Week Nine: The Bottom Line
Some locals may know this week’s bar by one of its previous monikers of ‘The Blue Danube’ or ‘Three Maples’:
Hey, why spring for a new sign when you can just paint over the old, rusty one? And really, why take it down when you rename the place and put up a new sign? Come on now. (The main sign had a letter-board under it that just said “Friday” and nothing else. Friday what? WE NEED TO KNOW.)
Anyway, when I first pulled up to the bar, I was a little scared to see this:
I think Eric summed up its outside appearance best when he pulled up and declared, “I bet Patrick Swayze is in there kicking ass right now.” Thankfully, it was much nicer on the inside. It was actually a little bit of a disappointment with the difference between the outside and the inside – we found it to be a little too nice inside, actually. We want filth! We want sketchy! We want…oh, wait – someone forgot to remodel the men’s room:
Now THAT is what I’m talking about. The ladies room was about the same, except it also came with a mothball smell and a wooden plank over a part of the floor in on of the stalls that I was afraid I was going to fall through at any time. I love Bar Tuesdays, man.
The rest of The Bottom Line was not without its charms, though. It was still dive-y, just cleaner and nicer than we expected. There was a little smoking patio on the back and a wood stove against the wall, which was next to a stone archway where Paul was waiting for the Virgin Mary to appear all night:
I think we need to go back to The Bottom Line this winter and all cozy up by the stove. Or, we can just go on my parents' anniversary since there are already banners hanging up for it:
We also need to get a picture of ourselves on the Picture Wall of The Bottom Line. Maybe I’ll submit the picture of Paul by the stone arch. I didn’t get a picture of it, but there is a plexiglass cover along half of one of the walls, full of pictures of the locals. Mixed in was a random picture of two people on the beach giving the camera the finger. Frito saw that and announced that he needed to have it in his house. I want a copy myself – the people in the picture were awesome looking.
And speaking of the locals, the people there were friendly and welcoming – there was a man in a huge cowboy hat that was regaling Kevin with tales. Randy and I enjoyed another guy who was still wearing his sunglasses on his head at 10 PM at night – not because of that, but because we both turned to each other when we saw the guy coming out of the bathroom and asked in unison, “Is he wearing sweatpants?” Yes, yes he was. And even better than that, he was wearing them with work boots. We also had our first Bar Tuesday Pot Whiff, which may explain some of that. The crowd there was also a big lottery-playing crowd, glued to the Keno TVs. Frito won $20 on a scratch ticket himself. The locals also didn’t seem to mind our jukebox selections, which was good, because we had that thing blasting all night:
Jukebox Report: Best jukebox yet. It was an Internet Jukebox, so whatever songs weren’t loaded on there, you could download for an extra credit. Oh, we had a field day. They didn’t have everything (No Oran’ Juice Jones or I Got a Man), but it was pretty damn great. I got to play some Lucy Woodward and some Republika, and Frito and I both played a chapter out of Trapped in the Closet. Frito opted for Chapter 1, while I went with Chapter 4 simply because of the “rubber, rubber, rubber” ending. And I have to say that any bar that does not throw us out or ban us from the jukebox for playing Trapped in the Closet is pretty awesome. Next time we’re just going to do 1-5 so they can get the whole story. We’ll have to re-enact 6-12 for them since they’re not on a CD yet. Paul also continued his tradition of “performing” Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats at the top of his voice on the nights he isn’t driving and gets trashed. This was his third time singing the song for the place, even getting up on the small stage during the bridge. I love Paul and his lack f any shame. He even wiped himself up with a dirty rag later on after he cleaned a drink spill with it:
So classy.
Kevin revived a fun Bar Tuesday Moment that we experienced on Week 2, that being the inadvertently saying something embarrassing really loudly in the silence between songs on the jukebox. This week, one song ended and you heard Kevin say, “I’d sleep with Frito, he’s my favorite gay man.” The record scratch sound was understood. (Kevin was talking about our upcoming trip to NYC in September and the hotel bed-sharing.) It was awesome.
And The Bottom Line itself was an awesome bar. I’d definitely go back. The drinks were CRAZY cheap, it had the best jukebox, and there was a horseshoe court in the back that we need to use the next time we go. It was a great place for Kristin’s last Bar Tuesday in the Official 14 Week Tour, which was sad, since she is one of the originators. (Lauren and Paul are the other ones):
She’s going to Spain for a month, but happily, she’ll be back for Week 15 when we do our Greatest Hits Tour of our favorite bars. I’m not sure we’ll be hitting Groucho’s for a 4th time, since a woman was found hiding there this week after killing an elderly man that she was caring for. Awesome. We’re thinking of starting a new tour state-wide when this one ends, so she won’t really miss out on that much (you either, Dan). I’m just happy that she got to go to Roadhouse, I mean The Bottom Line.
Golden Tee Count: 5 out of 9.
Next week – 2 bars in one night, and Lauren planning on getting really drunk. Did I mention the pre-bar stop back at Club Octane (Week 5)? Hold on to your hats, kiddies.
Comments