Bar Tuesdays: Week Fourteen

Week Fourteen: Saratoga

Well folks, we’ve reached the finale night of our original 14-week tour. Since we’re going to be continuing Bar Tuesdays and branching out into other cities (all of the bars up until this point have been in our hometown), we’re calling the first 14 weeks “Season One.” We’re taking next week off and then having a Greatest Hits night the following week, where we will hit our 3 favorite bars from the tour. Then we’ll begin Season Two the following week, right in time for the fall TV season start.

But first things first – let’s get to this week’s bar. Shall we?

Saratoga!

This was probably the smallest bar that we’ve been to so far. Paul had to keep reusing his glass because they were running out of clean ones. It’s also the first place that we’ve been that hasn’t had a pool table, as it would take up most of the table space on the floor. Still, it was big enough for our crew and that’s all that matters. Plus, the bartender was a doppelganger for Danny Aiello in the Papa Don’t Preach video:

(And NO, Paul – NOT the Kelly Osbourne version. Oh, the horrible things young people say sometimes!)

The beginning of the night was a little slow-going as the bar had the Red Sox game on. When the game is on, the jukebox is turned off, which made some of us sad. But then again, during the game, all bottles of domestic beer are only $2, so that made most of us quite happy:

And since we couldn’t play the jukebox right away, we decided to play some Keno to liven things up:

I think everyone won at least something except for me, but it was still fun to play because some of the folks *cough*Michael*cough* had never played before and quickly became Hard Core Keno Players. Michael and Paul were shouting profanities at the TV when the numbers would miss theirs by one digit, and apparently the Keno Plus multiplier is a “dirty whore.” It was quite a fun spectacle.

In honor of the finale, we brought along Randy to sit on the table and be with us in spirit, since he is sad about missing Bar Tuesdays now that he is back in Baton Rouge. We’re sad, too:

My favorite moment involving the picture of Randy sitting on the table came when one of the Bar Tuesday first-timers asked if he had died. Hee!

Speaking of Bar Tuesday first-timers, we finally had a special Bar Tuesday appearance by Lucy!

She’s had class on Tuesday nights for most of the summer, so it was good to finally have her come by. And she knew exactly what she was doing there, because one of the first things out of her mouth was, “What, no Golden Tee?” Awesome. And yes, there was no Golden Tee, bringing our total to 6 out of 14. How sad! Lately, there has been the Silver Streak bowling game in place of the Golden Tee, so we may have to start having a count of both of those.

There’s no bathroom report this week as the ladies room was the cleanest and nicest one I’ve seen so far. Brand new tiles, spotless and clean. I also heard that the men’s room was fine, so good on you, Saratoga bathrooms!

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a picture of this, but Saratoga had a jar of pickled eggs behind the counter. None of us were brave enough to try them that night, but I think Frito will at some point. I was happy with my chips, which is becoming my new Bar Tuesday snack. Anytime we go to a place that sells bags of chips, I am buying. It also afforded me the opportunity to get this awesome picture of Frito this week:

Aww. I love that.

This week, the chips weren’t enough for my demanding stomach, so luckily for me, Saratoga is located in the back of a Burger King parking lot. That is SO many bonus points right there from me. Anyhoo, off I went with David to score myself one of their awesome Butterfinger Cream Pies.

Then, it was back to the bar to admire the awesome red ceiling tiles and await the upcoming end of the baseball game. While we were waiting, Paul and I decided to go outside for a few minutes, and when we did, we discovered the motherlode of Saratoga greatness: the “backyard.”

There was a grill, a small crooked wooden shelf/bar, a picnic table covered in bird shit, and random lone folding chairs placed in odd spots:

You can’t really tell how low that tree falls from that picture, so I made Paul go sit in the lonely folding chair:

Then, I put on a show on top of the picnic table:

And then Paul put on a show of his own:

Yes, he’s doing what you think he is. Classy! Also, we were about 10 feet from the door – he couldn’t have just walked inside? Although maybe he would have been too transfixed by the only female patron’s blaring red thong:

Classy yet again.

After we got inside, the game ended and we got Danny Aiello to turn on the jukebox for us. Thankfully, they had Don’t Stop Believing for the finale night, so we got to play our offical Bar Tuesday theme and Paul got to play his official one, Survivor by Destiny’s Child (special remix featuring Da Brat). And we caught Danny Aiello furtively turning down the jukebox volume when that came on. HA! The best part is that he didn’t turn down the volume when I played certain things:

Tommy could breathe a little easier because I couldn’t bring myself to play Mmmbop again and opted for This Time Around instead. That’s a much better bar tune. In terms of the overall Jukebox Report, it was a pretty good one – we could download extra tracks for an extra credit, although it didn’t have everything we were looking for. Still, it was much better than most of the jukeboxes.

Not long after our final selection played on the jukebox, it ended up being just me and Paul left at the bar as he finished his drink and amused me with his drunken ramblings. (“I love us because we are always who we are. You can’t change us. I’m always Paul, and you’re always Pam – we stay true.” So wise, that one.) As we were bringing the original tour to a close, we celebrated the fact that we were the only two people who attended every single week. We also ended the Season One tour exactly how we began it: with just the two of us left at the bar, and with a picture of trashed Paul cradling his drink glass:

Perfect.

Next week – as I mentioned, we have a bye. We’ll be back on the 11th with our Greatest Hits Night, hitting our 3 favorite bars from the first 15 (we had the 14 + a bonus bar). We know where we’re going, but I’m curious to know if y’all do – hit up the comments and tell us which bars you think will be/should be on the Greatest Hits night. It should be one interesting night…. Stay tuned!

Comments

[Tommy]

I think we should keep track of Ms. Pacman machines???

....and Keno is dead to me!!!