"Ugh, Scorpion Bowls...."
That was the sentiment of a few members of the crew after last night's Bar Tuesday event. We're going to do a mini-tour of Chinese restaurant bars this time around, so we started off last night with a late dinner at Han Palace, aka the restaurant with no windows:
Seriously, look at it - there are no windows in the place. (FRITO: It's like The Others.) It does, however, have a stairway to nowhere outside:
And a sign that has seen better days:
FRITO: Is that written in code or something?
In fact, Han Palace is all about the awesome signs, like this one:
And this:
And the only people who will appreciate this one are people who have seen the Season 3 Episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia where the gang solves the North Korea situation. (Charlie freaks out over the door in the Korean restaurant marked "pirate" when it really says "private." God, I love Charlie.)
Anyhoo, we didn't just go to Han Palace to spend the night in a place with no windows and awesome signs - oh, no - some of us went for the Scorpion Bowls:
On the menu, the drink is served for two people, but those four all got their own. They were all surprised when the waitress informed them that one per person is the limit on those things until they came and they started drinking them and shouting all kinds of obscenities about how strong they were. Just thinking of a gigantic drink made with 7 different types of alcohol makes me dizzy. But hey, they were doing it. Paul got so comfortable with his that he just put it in his lap and guzzled:
Of course, here he is a few minutes later well on his way to inebriation heaven:
I was Paul's chauffer for the evening, so I went with the good ol' tea:
And Michael? Well, he just spent his night trying to get the salt to come out. (It's been humid here, y'all.)
In the end, just about everyone finished their scorpion bowls:
And the rest of us non-Scorpion bowl drinkers just laughed as the booze started to hit:
Of course, the 7 kinds of booze led to Brent announcing quite loudly that the restaurant smelled like feet (which it did, but I think it was Lauren's steamed dumplings), Paul scolding us all because we missed his fart, and Kristin and Paul singing "Asian Night," which, of course, is set to the tune of Ladies Night. "Why would you think I would drive on Asian Night when there are scorpion bowls to be had?" "Asian Night!" "Oh yes, it's Asian Night, and the feeling's right...." Oh, what a night indeed.
Since Han Palace closed at 10PM, we decided to make this week a double bar night since some folks had to work until 9. Our second destination was The Backstreet Bar & Grill:
It's "where family and friends gather," you know. A few of us had actually been to the Backstreet before (Backstreet's back, all right! Sorry, it's hard not to say that when someone mentions the Backstreet.), so we knew it wasn't that divey. The place is clean and not bad, but it's all about the clientele. This didn't hold true initially as the first person we ran into when we walked in was none other than Paul's dad, Ray Ray:
We've been trying to get him to come to a Bar Tuesday for months, but to no avail. He and Paul both didn't know the other was going to be there, so it was really funny when Paul walked in and was all, "Hey...Dad." Dad's response? "Are you drunk off those scorpion bowls yet? What are you doing, getting more vodky?" I just love him for calling it "vodky." Sadly, Paul's dad left shortly thereafter, but not before buying us a round - thanks, Ray Ray! After he left, we headed outside to the outdoor patio are for a little while:
But then...oh, then...then Ernesto showed up. You guys? Remember what I said about the Backstreet being all about the clientele? Well, it is because Ernesto is THE SHIT. According to the bartender, Ernesto had been there once about a year ago and she remembered him from then, because he was calling her "Baby" all night while she told him, "No Baby!" You see, Ernesto moved here from Colombia and his English still isn't fantastic. But he does know enough to call women "baby" and "beautiful." And to kiss them on the cheek, which he kept doing to me at one point until I lied and told him that Paul was my boyfriend. "Con Pablo, mi novio." Thanks, two years of high school Spanish! The best was Frito, who announced before then that we had to get Ernesto away from me "before Pam gets el rape-oed."
But Ernesto was harmless - he just wanted to have somewhere to rest his weary head. Oh, did I forget to mention that when Paul went in to talk to Ernesto right after he got there, he found him with his head down on the bar, pretty much passed out? Oh, yes. Paul was yelling, "ERNESTO!!! ERNESTO!!! Going once, going twice, ERNESTO!!!" Nothing. He didn't even move an inch. It was awesome. Oh, and why was Paul going in to talk to Ernesto? Because our little Paul speaks Spanish - it was actually his minor in college. Now, Paul speaking Spanish in general is pretty amusing because it just sounds strange coming out of him with his Rhode Island accent going on, but Paul speaking Spanish when he is shit-faced after a beer, a scorpion bowl, and 3 vodka-sodas? Well, that is just GOOD STUFF, my friends. Especially when he is conversing with a drunk Colombian who has just caught his second wind and is randomly yelling "COLOMBIA!" every few minutes. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Ernesto, aka The Shit:
Paul is trashed. Anyway, in honor of Ernesto, we renamed the rest of the night El Martes De Bar. He was trying his English, but like I said, it was a lot of "Baby!" and "Beautiful!" and "Next week, my house!" Oh yes, Ernesto invited us all to his house next week. He lives 3 streets away from the bar, and gave us all his address - we can come anytime! Methinks I'm going to schedule that in my calendar a few days after never. But still, Ernesto kept us entertained as he shouted random things and kissed cheeks and shook all of our hands numerous times. He was just very excited when he wasn't slumped over and passed out on the bar. Oh, Ernesto. If I weren't so afraid of what things may lie at your house, I'd go.
After Ernesto honked his horn at us numerous times and drove (!) away, we finished up our business and headed home. How can you top Ernesto? You can't, BUT - you can put the finishing touches on this week's "What's Fun Outside The Bar?" photo shoot (click to see it in all its glory). Here's a little taste of what's in store this week:
God, I love the new Photo Shoots.
Next Week: Avoiding Ernesto's house.
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