Welcome to week two of the 3-week mini-tour of Chinese Restaurants & bonus after-bars. This week we started things off at Eastern Star, which is under construction and looking FANTASTIC in the process:
Seriously, do places really look that shitty during remodeling? My local supermarket just revamped and had those little 'Pardon Our Appearance While We Remodel' signs everywhere, but it still looked fine everywhere. This place didn't even have the common courtesy to pardon its appearance. Consider me offended.
Well, not really, as the place was fine inside. Clean and mostly unremarkable - it was actually rather boring. We were the only people there, so we didn't even have any lovable locals to people watch. So what is there to do when you're the only people in a Chinese restaurant and need some entertainment? Why, order up some Scorpion Bowls, of course:
For some reason, the restaurant wouldn't let one person order a large Scorpion Bowl - only a small one, so there were no shots from the middle. You could, however, have two small Scorpion Bowls, which made no sense. In any case, I steered clear and felt the need to order a Shirley Temple because it was listed as one of the four non-alcoholic drink choices in the menu. Awesome.
Once some of the alcohol started to hit, some of our trademark Classy Bar Tuesday Conversations started to take place (after Paul used his straw to suck out the middle of one of his crab rangoons). Here's a snippet from one of the delightful dinner talk conversations that took place:
Person 1: I used to pee myself all the time at school because my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom.
Person 2: Where did that come from? We were just talking about NOTHING that had to do with peeing yourself.
Person 1: I don't know, I just thought of it.
Person 3: I shit myself at a sleepover once.
Person 2: And at the Showcase Cinemas.
Person 3: True story.
I figured I would keep the speakers anonymous since I was feeling charitable tonight, but I'll give you a small hint - these people were not involved in the conversation:
Moving on. After they had finished their Scorpion Bowls, Frito and Paul wanted to try out some different drinks. Frito decided to order the most racially-insensitive named drink on the menu and went with the 'Almond Eye.' Really, Eastern Star? I've never seen that drink on a menu before. Paul opted for the more popular but less tasty 'Fog Cutter':
PAUL: Now that is cutting some fog right there.
P.S. He still drank the whole thing. AND cut some fog. And then stole the glass because the waitress was mean to him. "I'm so glad I started stealing things at Bar Tuesday again." We're so proud of you, Paul:
Why is Paul wearing a Burger King crown? Because we headed over to Season One Bar Saratoga afterwards, aka The Bar in the Back of a Burger King Parking Lot.
There were actually some changes to Saratoga since we were there last summer - it now had a pool table and a big-screen TV on one end. When Bryan saw the TV, he astutely pointed out that it was probably worth more than the building. We came in right at the end of the Red Sox game, so when that was over, the bartender (not Danny Aiello) gave us the remote control to watch whatever we wanted since no one could get the jukebox to accept any money. Lucky for us, it still had credits in it when we got there, so Frito and I were able to play 3 songs, the last of which was a random joke because we didn't know about the no-money-taking thing at the time, so we just assumed we'd throw in a fun free song and then start up with the real stuff. Well, the joke was on us since the last song we are going to be known for regaling the three other people in the bar outside of our group with was the old school Cool It Now, by New Edition. I LOVE that song, but I don't think I would rank it high on my list of Songs That Should Be Played In A Bar. The really sad thing about all of it is that Frito and I were the only ones in the Bar Tuesday crew that knew the song. How do people not know that song? IT'S A CLASSIC, PEOPLE. "Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike - if I love the girl, who cares who you like?" Seriously, give little Ralph Tresvant a break. He did grow up to be a Stone Cold Gentleman, after all. Frito was also looking at Mr. Telephone Man (Awesome) and Candy Girl, but Cool It Now just slightly edges out Mr. Telephone Man because of the rap. Boys, watch this and learn of the wonders of New Edition.
Since we had no jukebox to entertain us, we ended up settling on the finale of A Shot At Love 2, which sucked Paul right in:
Most of us have been watching the show anyway, so it sucked us all in. I believe it was Paul who yelled, "You WHORE!" when Tila eliminated Bo, and I know it was all of us who screamed, "HAAAA!" when Kristy turned down Tila's key to her heart. Then there was the "OH!" when the panty-shot of Kristy in the limo came on. "White panties with a black dress? What is she doing?" What is she doing, indeed.
Before we got sucked into Tila, we played some pool:
And Frito and I headed over to Burger King, where we were met with the odd new menu item or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese:
WTF? I went the safe route and chowed down on the new, delicious Cookie Dough Pie:
Have you guys had that yet? It's insane. It's not as good as the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Pie, but it's close. Now I want one. No, really - I may need to jump in my car and go get one. But before I do, let's get to this week's Photo Shoot installment of What's Fun Outside The Bar? All I will say is that an alleyway across the street led us to a KFC parking lot. Oh, and a skunk was coming for me and Paul until I chased it away. First raccoons and now skunks - what will chase us next? Whatever it is, it will probably be found in the animal trap that was set up in the "patio" area behind the bar:
I believe the sign of any nice establishment is a large animal trap on the premises. Anyway, here's my favorite picture from the photo shoot:
Now go see the rest and play the new game of "What non-sexy object is Pam straddling this week?" (Previous objects have included a giant car vacuum and brass lion.)
Now, I'm off to get me some pie, but not before I leave you with the wondrous last image I had from last night's Full Moon Bar Tuesday:
Next Week: Frito's Birthday Bar Tuesday at one of our favorites....
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