Everything's More Fun In Pigtails!

2009 MTV VMA Aftermath & Why I Wasn't Blogging It

Y'all? I can't even hire my TiVo to babysit the VMAs for one night while I go out and do something because it just lets Kanye out to just do whatever his stupidly-shaved head's ass is going to do. GAH. I was all, "Ooh, I have concert tickets for that night, I'll just record the show and watch it the next day - no biggie. It sucked the last few years, so I'm sure I won't miss much." Then I get an ominous text from my brother telling me to wait until I see what Kanye has pulled, but giving me no specifics. I knew it had to be bad, because it actually caused my brother to type "omg" for the first time in his existence. He is 36 years old. ANYWAY - I found out about the Kanye mess when I got home last night and then watched the show tonight and found out that it was actually enjoyable. How did that happen? Well played, MTV. Well played. Since I wasn't around to liveblog, I'm just going to be lazy and give you my thoughts after watching the show tonight and then I'll tell you why I wasn't home last night to see it - here's a hint - it involves a Blind love of mine. Shall we?

- Should I just get the Kanye thing out of the way first so we can move on? Anyone who has read any of my award recaps knows that I do not hide my hatred of Kanye. I've never liked his ass and never will. I'm sure he's talented musically, but nowhere close to the degree that he believes he is. To me, he's the Spencer Pratt of music - he just needs to shut up and go away. Kanye's actually worse because he has success so he can do things like go on stage and be an asshole on TV and ruin and excited 19 year-old's moment. And dear Kanye - Taylor outsells your ass so get lost. Beyonce was all class at the end when she brought her back. Go ahead, girl. And MTV really should have learned its lesson about even inviting Kanye back after he complains about not winning things all the time and vows to boycott. Idle threats! DO IT. PLEASE. Okay, I'm done. Now, on to the other business....

- MJ tribute opening - Madonna looked quite lovely, didn't sound so British and was pretty classy. But still - nothing can top my excitement for Scream with Janet coming out. I LOVE that video. Once again I say, go ahead, girl.

- Russell Brand. I have nothing to say about him actually since I fast-forwarded through every word he said. From what I hear, he wasn't really funny anyway. What's that sound my TiVo makes? Be-coop!

- Taylor Swift on the F train - I was on that exact train one week earlier and no fun dance party broke out. Damn. It's nice to see she's sounding better live, though. Go ahead, girl. (I know, I will stop. Why can't I stop saying that? I don't ever say it. Maybe it's in my head from someone saying it at the salon the other day.)

- Oh, Green Day - you can even get J. Lo on her feet and dancing. Also? I rock that song in Rock Band. Just saying.

- I think it's time to talk about Lady GaGa. I...I have no idea. She's mental, right? That red outfit she accepted her award in? Even Bjork would be like, "No thanks." But let's talk about why they randomly wheeled out a dancer in a wheelchair during her performance while GaGa walked with an arm brace for about 30 seconds. What am I missing? Why are there cripples in the dance number? I just sat there during the whole song saying, "I have no idea what is happening right now." The weird thing is that I really liked the whole thing, I just am so confused. Help me.

- Okay, so I don't really want to admit this shit, but that extended trailer for New Moon looked goooood. Damn. And Robert Pattinson? DAYAM. Totally reminded me of why I have a cardboard cutout of him in my room, watching me sleep. Ahem.

- Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce. I liked everything but looking at your ladybits. Seriously, it was like porn when she was dipping it low and grinding. Lower those leg cuts, missy!

- When did Chris Hardwick become the lead singer of Muse?

- What was up with Tyson Ritter of The All-American Rejects covered in glitter when they jumped in with the house band? Is he trying to be a Twilight vampire and sparkling in the light? He looked ridiculous, and he's usually ridiculously hot. Get it together, Ritter.

- And finally, I'm happy to see that Eminem is FINALLY lightening up. Maybe he can give Kanye some tips. Nah, he was never even 1/4 as bad as him.

So those were some thoughts on what I remembered. Barring any events that pop up, I should be here with you on Sunday live-blogging the Emmys, so make sure you come by for that and let me know what you think. I'm VERY excited for NPH. And if Ben wins for Lost.

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Now - why wasn't I home for the VMAs last night? Why, because I was at the American Idols Tour seeing Blindy. He was honestly the reason I went - remember, not so much musically but just because I love his awkward, adorable blind ass. I want him to be my best friend. Paul? Not so much:



But we had fun the rest of the night (except for me almost vomiting during Adam Lambert's set. Ugh.) and were quite happy to find that we weren't the oldest people there without children by a long shot. Yay, we're not creeps!



...Or are we since we went outside by the buses after the show? If so, then we were 3 of MANY creeps out there, almost all without kids so I felt better. Most were there for Adam (again, gross):



Paul wanted me to get a picture of him for him and I tried to resist, saying my camera was going to get herpes, but I took the risk. I do have to admit that he seemed like a vey nice guy and not as pompous as he was on the show. Still, gross. He was gyrating during the show and making me sick. Not in front of the kids, Lambert. We also caught glimpses of Anoop:



Matt:



Allison:



Megan, who I didn't get a picture of, but who was gorgeous, and Mr. Danny Gokey, who won my prize of best singer of the night. Seriously, he blew the roof off the joint. Cute, too:



Kris, Lil and Matt hadn't come out by the time we left, but we didn't care because I was only back there for one person and one person only. BLINDY. And he didn't disappoint me. He and his mom came out and she walked him around - he took his time going down the line of people and she would hand him things to sign and guide his hand to give out many of the high fives people were asking for. Oh, Blindy.



The only bad part about the whole "waiting by the bus" thing was that all of the idols were behind a half stone wall and there were so many people out there that if you were more than 3 people back you couldn't get near them. They just came out and signed stuff, so there was no opportunity to have your picture taken with them. But do you think that would stop me from trying to get my picture with my Scotty? Oh, no. I would find a way, even if it was an unconventional shot. I enlisted the help of Paul, who called to Blindy to look his way and smile. Blindy obliged, and now I have this:



Yay!

In the immortal words of one Mariah Carey: "If you believe in yourself enough and know what you want, you're gonna make it happen." Go ahead, girl (SORRY!!! No more!)

She Lives!!

I'm here, I'm alive - I just haven't had time or been in blog updating mode recently. Sorry, I didn't mean to neglect you! Here are a few of the things that I've been doing instead of updating, which may explain my absence:

- I've been busy salivating over shoes like these and especially these. [sigh] I wish I had scads of money. Oh, Christian Louboutin, how you tease me with your wares!

That's a legitimate excuse, right? No? Oh. How about this:

- Obsessing over Scott "Blindy" MacIntyre on American Idol. I know, I've been very lax with my AI updates lately, but it's all about Scott and the Pink Pants, people. Now, let me first just say that Scott isn't my favorite singer on the show (that would be Allison), and his time should be ending soon, but he is without a doubt my favorite contestant. I LOVE how dorky and awkward he is - he's like a Beauty & the Geek contestant. I want a Scott MacIntyre. And his hot brother (who, it turns out, is a model and a really good singer). Nah, I'll just take Scott. (There are some clips of his sick piano playing on his website, as well as some sound clips from his solo stuff and from his band with the brother - I'm loving Stars.) Sadly, I know Scott's journey on Idol will soon be drawing to a close, but I'm enjoying him and his pink pants for as long as I can.

Speaking of Idol, why was Megan nowhere near the bottom 3 last week? I was a fan in the auditions, but she has sucked ever since the semi-finals and just keeps getting worse. Then there were the tattooed feet. Time to go, Megs.

Legit enough? No? I suppose the obsessing isn't actually taking up that much time, usually just while the show airs, so how about this one:

- Booking a trip to Minnesota! I am FINALLY going to meet my pal Shelly in June. And you know the first place she is taking me is the Mall of America. It's no wonder we've been friends for all these years.

- Last, but not least, I gave into the peer pressure and signed up for Twitter today. You can follow me here, but I can't promise any excitement from it.

In the meantime, I've got some adventures coming up, so I'll be back here hopefully in full force. Stay tuned....

American Idol: Semi-Finals Week 3 & Wild Card Round

I know this seems like it has turned into the American Idol blog around here, but I have a few other posts in the wings - they will just take more time, which I do not have right now. But I still have a whole NYC trip to jabber on about along with a few other adventures. But right now I just have a few stolen minutes to talk about my obsession with Scott, I mean to talk about this week's Idol. And lord, there is much to discuss.

First, let's start with the final group of 8 this week:

Alex Wagner-Trugman: why are you breaking my heart like that?? WHY did you have to start with that weird growling and shouting? What is that all about? You sounded so perfectly lovely outside of all of that - if you had done the whole song just plain singing it, you may have made it, kid. Aww, I will miss you.

- Why did Scott's handler/brother not look good on Tuesday but then turn on the hotness again on Wednesday and Thursday? Was his hotness in hiding? He looked like a whole other person! I'm so glad it's back, though. Keep bringing your brother on stage, mister. I'm going to be voting for the handler.

- Speaking of Scott - people, you do not even understand how much I love him. And it's not for his singing. I probably shouldn't even be talking about this, but hey. I am just utterly amused by the whole thing. He is so lovable from his awkwardness to his Air Supply see-through hair to his creepy eyes - I need Scott to stay in. His dorkiness is making me rewatch him. Plus, that handler is HOT. But Ryan, please stop talking to him like he is a retarded person. He is just blind. He was on the USA Today Academic All-Star Team, for crying out loud. Now shine the light through his hair again...YES!

- Lil Rounds = LaToya London

- Kanye West next week? NOOOOOO! I hate his ass.

Wild card thoughts:

- Why in the hell was Nick/Norman up in the room of possibility and not Mishavonna Henson or Ann Marie Boscovich???

- Jasmine? Really? No. Please swap her out with Jesse.

- Sorry, Matt - you're okay, but Ricky was ROBBED. Loved him.

- All I have to say is: ANOOP. I'll be rooting for you and Scott the whole time, but for ENTIRELY different reasons.

So what say y'all? I love me some Megan Corkrey, but she wasn't very good for her semi-final run, so here's hoping she gets better now that the show kicks into gear.

American Idol: Semi-Finals, Week Two

Sorry there were no live thoughts during the show this week, but the second half was on the same time as Lost, so we all know where my TV was tuned for that hour. Anyhoo, I'll see what I can remember about this week and as always, leave me your thoughts as well in the comments.

First, I do remember thinking, "Wow, these people are not very good." Also, a lot of the previously good ones choked BIG time (I'm looking at you, Jasmine Murray.) So what else happened?

- For starters, Adam Lambert officially became my Constantine this season, except with much more talent. But seriously you guys, I cannot take a whole season of that guy and his Mr. T jewelry and his deep and abiding love for himself. Take it down about 40 notches, Lambert. Criminy.

- Megan Joy Corkrey, what happened to you? Get it together for the wild card show, because I like you. I also hope Jesse Langseth gets a wild card shot along with my boy Anoop.

- Allison rocked, and I was so happy to see her make it.

- Hey dueling piano guy - you may have done well in Hollywood, but I still remember you kind of shitting on I Don't Want To Be during your audition, so it secretly pleased me when you murdered Coldplay this week.

- Contestants, especially ones that I like (Megan) - please stop backtalking to Simon. That will get you absolutely NOWHERE with me. No sass! (Unless you're Danny Noriega.)

- I'm not even going to go there with Mr. Gentle. Enough. That should not have even been allowed to happen. Jamal got cut for that shit? Please.

- Kris Allen, yay!

- And finally, I've been waiting two weeks for this particular end-of-the-show dance sequence to see my boy Scott MacIntyre shaking his thing and he did not disappoint. I LOVED him throwing his stick aside. I may have rewound it twice.

Anyway, what did y'all think? Does anyone find Adam as annoying as me? And is anyone else hoping that Alex gets through next week and that we finally get to see The Handler again? All I know is that I am already braced for Von Smith to start yelling at me.

American Idol Top 36: Group One

Sorry I didn't have time to weigh in on last week's Idol shenanigans, but let's get down to these semi-finalists, shall we? I'm just going to give some quick thought as I watch the show....

Jackie Tohn - Please get off of my TV IMMEDIATELY. So annoying. (P.S. It also pleases me that you sucked.)

Ricky Braddy - Who the heck is this guy? Good to see that we've seen even one second of him before the chair episode. Boy can sing, but no stage presence. Still, quite good.

- NPH! Someone please sing Freeze Ray.

Alexis Grace - Well, well. I didn't like your audition, but I'm digging you now. Well, all except for the random pink spots in your hair. No.

Brent Keith - I was pulling for you boy, but that wasn't the greatest.

- Randy - continuing to be useless. I love how he's just using things Simon has said earlier. Ugh.

Stevie Wright - Damn, that was bad. I liked her, too!

Anoop Desai - I love Anoop, that's all there is to it. He'd better make the top 12.

Casey Carlson - YIKES. Terrible, plus those awful cheesy faces! Goodbye.

Michael Sarver - Oh, Roughneck. This is his second Gavin song, and although he didn't do the greatest job with it, I still like him.

- Oh, and Paula Abdul had better back off of the Gavin.

Ann Marie Boskovich - I like her voice, even if the judges didn't love her performance. I hope she makes it through or at least gets a wild card slot.

Stephen Fowler - Rock With You? Really? That was NOT good.

Tatiana Effing Del Toro - I hate that she can actually sing pretty well. Still she should NOT have made it to the top 36.

Danny Gokey - Danny's been one of my favorites since the auditions and I'm still loving him tonight. Awesome.


My picks for making it through tonight:
Guy: Danny Gokey
Girl: Alexis Grace
Third: Anoop

Who are your predictions? Leave 'em in the comments!

AI Hollywood Week: Episodes 1 & 2

Wait, what just happened? So the Osmond and Deanna got cut, but Norman Gentle and Effing Tatiana stayed? How in the who in the what?

Okay, phew – breathing. Let’s see what else I thought about Hollywood week:

- Why were they pimping the blind guy so much and then not showing him perform at all? I wanted to see him dancing in the groups, dammit! Maybe he wasn’t shown too much because his handler wasn’t there. That handler had better come back.

- Not the Osmond, noooooo! But carry on with cutting Rose Flack.

- Thank you for keeping Alex Wagner-Trugman, my favorite closet-dwelling geek (Paul’s, too).

- On the flip side, how much more of Von Smith’s yelling in our faces are we going to have to take? Cut him already and put him on a plane with giggling Tatiana. Ugh.

- Oh, Roughneck – you are trying to win back my favor from Anoop by singing a Gavin song on Tuesday night. However, I notice that Anoop will be breaking out some My Prerogative next week, so how about I just split my love and throw you both a vote should you get to the semis? Carry on with the Gavin, though – you did me proud.

- Again, see you in the Top 4, Adam Lambert and your possible methface. In the meantime, please stop tucking your jeans into your boots. Thanks.

- Although I still like many of the contestants left, right now it’s all about Danny and his dead wife. He rules.

So what did you guys think?

"I've Never Been This Close To An Idol Before."

Oh, Paul. Those were his words up there as we stood in line for an autograph signing after a mini-concert by Melinda Doolittle at a local casino last weekend. Of course, Paul was saying this as he wiped the sweat that was pouring off of his face. I reminded him that he had touched Carrie's hand 4 times at her concert, but he replied with, "Yes, but I've never spoken to one before." Then he continued to sweat and wipe as we got closer in the line. It was hilarious. After we met Melinda and had pictures taken, his hands were shaking. Aww, Paul.

And can I just say how incredibly nice Miss Doolittle is? She's one of my all-time favorite Idol contestants and she was as gracious and sweet as she was on the show. Also? That girl can SANG. Crazy good. Her album comes out today, but we were able to buy copies at the event on Saturday. It's an old-school R&B throwback album and you all need to go and listen to Dust My Broom right now. Anyway, Melinda sang 5 songs off of the album and then closed with one of her favorites from Idol, and it was the song that Paul was hoping for the whole day, I'm a Woman. She sang the roof off of the place, y'all. Here's a clip I grabbed:



I thought Paul was going to pee himself with all of the growling she did. We waited over an hour in line for the autographs, but Melinda said she was going to stay until every last person got something signed and a picture. We were happy to get both:





After that, Paul and I were STARVING so we headed to this interesting-looking place that we saw off the highway on our way there called Stuckeys. It was attached to a gas station so we knew it had to be classy. However, when we arrived there with our stomachs growling like no other, we found that Stuckeys was actually a souvenir shop with Roy Rogers and Sbarro counters inside. With the horns of disappointment wah-waahing in our heads, we jumped back into the car and checked my GPS for the closest restaurant that sounded good. We found one right down the street called Brick Oven, so we headed over for what we imagined to be some tasty pizza.

Yeah...not so much.

Turns out The Brick Oven was a slightly shady-looking family restaurant. As soon as we saw the outside, we decided that we had to eat there. From the moment we walked inside, Paul and I had the giggles the whole time. First, our waitress brought over a dry-erase posterboard with the specials on it and leaned it against the wall across from our table. She left it there until the next party arrived and then she walked it over to them. Second, we were treated to some dining music courtesy of a boombox straight out of Breakin'. Then there was the soup that Paul got that he described as "a bunch of Progresso soups just thrown together."



After that, we noticed a drink menu on the table so Paul ordered a glass of wine. What arrived at the table was one of those single person bottles of wine accompanied by the smallest wine glass in the history of the world. Did I mention how dusty and dirty the bottom of the stem was? That was probably what put us over the edge into the church giggles.



Check out that boombox over Paul's shoulder. The Brick Oven was magic. Of course, we'll be bringing everyone back there but maybe for breakfast next time since I paid $11.95 for chicken parmesan which was clearly made with those frozen chicken patties and came with pasta and Prego sauce. I can buy that at the supermarket for half the price. Hopefully when we go back, the same patrons won't be there since Paul let a real big one rip just as we were walking out the door. Such class. Hopefully we can convince someone to order the "calves liver and onions" next time. Keep those fingers crossed!

We managed to take some footage at the restaurant during this week's Paul & Pam show and it includes a shot of the specials board as well as some footage from the casino and outside of Stuckeys. You can witness it all right here:

AI Auditions: The Final 3 Episodes

Blessedly, auditions are over and we can finally get to the nitty gritty of Hollywood week next week. Oh, how I live for Hollywood week and the group numbers. In the meantime, here are some brief thoughts from the final week of auditions:

- The Osmond – oh, the Osmond. So good with such a sad little tale to go along with it. He has Rose Flack beat – her singing wasn’t anything to jump up and down over and she needs to put on shoes before Lucy has a heart attack over all of the barefoot people.

- Go, Megan Corkrey! She was one of the only people who made me thought that I might actually pick up a phone and call for her if she makes it to the top 12. My favorite audition.

- The first guy Jorge from Puerto Rico was pretty nice to look at, and his friend was even moreso. I can take looking at those two.

- Why can’t I remember people’s names? Was it Maria? I don’t know, but all I know is that Simon made her leave and come back as a different person and she sang Bubbly and she ruled. Fantastic voice.

Wow, these auditions these week were pretty underwhelming if that’s about all I can remember or had to say. What did you guys think?

AI Auditions: San Fransisco & Louisville

Thoughts:

- Adam Lambert - kind of a meth face, no? Still, look him up on YouTube and I'm sure you will agree that we'll be seeing him in the top 12 and most likely at least the final four.

- I cannot WAIT for the Hollywood group numbers to chew up and spit out that fake hyena-laughing Tatiana character. Her group is totally going to hide on her.

- Paula isn't even hiding her desires for the contestants now - when Brent Keith walked in last night, I thought she was going to devour him. I may have done the same had I been in her shoes, though. I can take looking at him for the next few months.

- I really like that Joanna Pacitti girl and hope she gets another chance at the big time.

- Um, Mr. Dueling Piano Player? I know you're trying to win my favor by singing Gavin and actually being a dueling piano player (one of my all-time favorite movies is The Fabulous Baker Boys), but no. You don't do that to a Gavin song. I would have said no.

- Every song in the world from now on should be titled "Natty." EVERY SONG.

- Randy just gets more and more useless every day, doesn't he? I didn't think he could get any worse. Good job trying to even contain your laughter anymore - I'm not a big fan of the bad auditions to begin with, but the best part about them is watching the judges try to maintain their composure instead of openly laughing quite loudly. Also, please try to add something to the show, dude. Come on now.

So what did you guys think?

AI: Auditions, Episode 2

Thoughts:

- Dear Roughneck - sorry, but your free vote for singing Boyz II Men's Thank You has been stolen from you by a guy named Anoop, who sang it better than you. Also, he said we can call him Anoop Dogg, so 'nuff said there.

- Why was the guy whose wife just died 4 weeks before his audition so good? I cry watching TV and movies enough, and now if this guy is on every week? Criminy.

- Von Smith, in your little fedora - tone it all down and maybe I'll like you. You could go either way - try not to go all Cook on me, dear.

- Girl who sang Janis Joplin and takes care of her 96 year-old grandmother? You're awesome, but granny is even better.

- Michael Castro - are you trying to win favor with me by coming in and singing some Gavin? Well...not so much. Call me when you start filling out a pair of tight jeans like your brother does - damn, it was good to see Jason Castro in those jeans again, wasn't it? And Paula - you best be backing off with your whole, "I love Gavin DeGraw" proclamation. He's already hanging out with the likes of Joaquin Phoenix lately (which is odd, but I am all for, because I love the Joaquin even if he is a little crazypants), there's no need for him to be getting the Abdul brand of crazy all over him.

Is it Hollywood week yet?