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Bar Tuesdays: Season Four - Week Four

Week Four: Mug Shots



We headed back into Providence this week to one of Paul's college bars. We wanted to go off-season to try to capture the Lovable Locals instead of dealing with the youngsters and it turned out that the Lovable Locals were...us. Yes, we arrived at the bar at 8PM and were the only people there aside from the people working there until 3 guys came in around 10:30. What made it fun was that it was the first night that they were doing karaoke at the place so we ended up with a surprise karaoke bonus. This also meant that aside from the karaoke hosts, we were the only ones singing. Over and over and over again. It was like our own private show and it was awesome. We pulled out all kinds of random songs as well as songs we would never normally do and some we will never do again (I'm looking at you, Vibeology. Paul and I tackled that one and found out that it's not really a song and it is also quite ENDLESS.) Anyhoo, back to the bar - this was our first Bar Tuesday bar with a cover. $5?! Eh, it probably paid for the karaoke so I didn't mind. The bar itself was pretty fun inside. It was really small and it had a jail theme, complete with chain-link fences around all of the booths. We rolled VIP in the booths as usual and found them to have the smallest tables in the world:





We knocked that table all over the place. Each booth was named after a different criminal and had his newspaper articles on the wall. We sat in the Al Capone booth. We also had a special appearance by Brent's fiancee Nicole, who brought a friend along to experience his first Bar Tuesday:



Our pal Lindsey also made her return appearance to Bar Tuesdays:





It's good to have you back, girl!

Of course, you know we couldn't let those fences go to waste while there was a camera around:







When Paul looked at his picture in my camera window, he FLIPPED out over his supposed double chins. I told him that it was just the way he was posing, but he was still saddened immensely by the whole thing:



The other thing we clearly were not letting go to waste in that bar was the Mug Shot wall. We decided to pose how we would like our mug shots to look like should we ever be arrested:







As opposed to what they would probably look like:









I love how Lindsey is all glamorous in both of hers while I'm a little too happy to be picked up for hitting on a 17 year-old boy. Not that I would ever do that. (As long as they have a license it's okay, right? No? Okay, I'll shut up now...hey, is that a unicorn over there?)

In terms of the karaoke, Paul, Lindsey, Brent and I kept it going along with the hosts until those guys came in later and joined in the fun. Here's Lindsey belting out some Alicia Keys:



But once again, what good are pictures when I have short video clips? Sadly, the other patrons missed these performances. Well, sadly for Paul's Survivor and Lindsey and Paul's take on Promiscuous, but not so much on my pulling out some Little Mermaid shit. But really, how can you NOT sing a Little Mermaid song when it's in the karaoke book? It's so random that you have to do it. It may very well be required. I was just doing my civic duty, people. In any event, here are the clips:



Oh, Mug Shots - you allowed us to sing all kinds of things with no one there to listen. Thank you, and we'll be back.

And let's just all hope that none of those fake mug shots come true....

Next week: More Bar Tuesday karaoke at a bar with a name that was MADE for us. See you then!

Bar Tuesdays: Season Four - Week Three

Week Three: House of Wu & Captain's Quarters

For week three of this summer's tour we decided to honor season three's Chinese Restaurant mini-tour by doing a one night Chinese Restaurant & After Bar. Also, we heard there was a Chinese restaurant that served different flavors of scorpion bowls, so obviously we were there. Behold, the House of Wu:



There were 5 different flavors of scorpion bowls and in the end I believe the group went with the Mango, Strawberry and Blue Bay flavored bowls. The mango one had a fun name that I wish I could remember - it was something like Wu Tang Mango, but not. In any case, here they are with their giant straws:







After sampling the bowls, Bryan discovered that the mixture of the Blue Bay and Mango bowls combined to make an ultra delicious treat, which led to him drinking from both at the same time for the rest of the night, which Paul joined in shortly thereafter.



Michael and I opted for water and tea:



Or, as the menu liked the call them, the "none alcoholic drinks":



We also could have ordered "chocolates milk." Speaking of the menu, I ordered the extra person for $8.45:



I asked for a cute boy and the waitress denied my request, pointing out that I was with 5 of them myself. BOO!!!! My type of guys are the ones who are probably worth $8.45. I'm just saying, I like them poor. Anyway, the only adventures that happened at the House of Wu all took place in the bathrooms. First, I went into the ladies room which was so tiny that you had to close the door in order to open the stall door. The stall then happened to be as big as my thumb. After some acrobatic moves trying to pee in that small space, I came out to wash my hands and found this sign next to the sink:



I highlighted the part that immediately jumped out at me. ...Really? I...what...this is a mass-produced sign - are there THAT many food service workers that spend that much time with live animals that it needs to be listed on a bathroom sign? I think I'll be eating in for a little while. That sign was my excitement in the bathroom, but that's nothing compared to Paul's experience.

Sorry, Paul - I have to tell it.

Towards the end of our meal, Paul announced that he couldn't wait any longer and had to "take a House of Wu Poo." He re-emerged from the bathroom a little too soon and sat down at the table all red-faced and announced, "The cook just walked in on me taking a shit." He was MORTIFIED. Apparently, he locked the door but it still turned when the cook walked in. He said there was no stall, just a little half-wall separating the urinal from the toilet and the cook kept walking when he came in as if he was still going to pee. Then he must have noticed Paul's shocked face and just said, "Oh, so sorry," and slinked out. Paul was SO embarrassed, and we are kind people after all, so we offered our support: "Did he ask if you were almost done with the pu pu platter?" "Did he think you were the extra person I ordered?" "Did he scare the shit out of you?"

After the bathroom debacle, we decided it best to make our exit, but not before pausing outside to pose on the random God Bless America-engraved bench:



And then sweetly and inappropriately on the filthy bench in the side parking lot:





Wow, I wish I could blame some of the things that I do on alcohol. CLASSY.

After we left the House of Wu, we went down the street to a neighborhood that we thought would have some good bars. We wandered up and down the main street to where we thought some bars had been, but all we found were empty storefronts. Then, around the corner we spotted a telltale neon glow in a tiny window. It wasn't the bar we were looking for, but when we walked in, we realized it was the only one we needed. Hello, Captain's Quarters:



The bar was located below and old hotel that used to rent rooms by the hour, so you know it was our kind of place. Also, we walked in and saw these shelves on the wall:



That was all I needed to see to put my purse down and settle in. And people, Captain's Quarters was awesome. The bartender was super nice and came and sat right down with us. There were only about 3 people in the bar section and the whole game room was empty, so we went in there to take advantage of the free pool. That, and the boxing video game:



Who needs a Golden Tee when you can punch things really hard? NO ONE. Also, about four minutes after we sat down the bartender came in and said she would turn on the jukebox for us if we wanted. Lady, have you met us? Turn that shit ON. We had some interesting choices that night, ending with a rousing rendition of Private Dancer at the end of the night that had Paul, Bryan and I singing really loudly in our best Tina Turner voices and driving David and Michael outside in a "We don't know them!" frenzy. Come on guys, it's effing Private Dancer. You HAVE to. "All the men come in these places," indeed.

Before we drove them out of the bar, we spent the night playing pool, dancing our asses off, punching that video game bag, and in some cases, gambling:





I also made sure to stay far away from the men's room as it made matters QUITE clear:



I'm sorry, but do a lot of women want to use the men's room with the urinal cakes and all? Gross.
We started taking some sweet and fun pictures:





And then David grabbed the camera and the fun began. It had been a while, so it was time for a proper Bar Tuesdays photo shoot. We normally do the "What's Fun Outside The Bar?" shoots, but in this case the only thing fun outside of the bar is probably murder, so we did most of the pictures inside. So without further ado, I present to you the Captain's Quarters Photo Shoot. David got all fancy with some, like the one of my soda, but I think this is my favorite shot of the bunch:



Oh photo shoots, how I have missed you.

In the end, we had a really fun night, even if the cook did walk in on Paul taking a dump. By the time he was singing, "American Express will do nicely, thank you," he had forgotten all about it. That's the magic of Bar Tuesdays. And vodka.

See you next week!

Bar Tuesdays: Season Four - Week Two

Week Two: Billy's Frosted Mug



This was kind of a slow week at Bar Tuesdays. We didn't realize that Billy's was a sporty type of bar and there was a Red Sox/Yankees game on that night so the TVs were all blaring the game quite loudly and there were a bunch of guys all sitting there transfixed by the game. I told Paul that we would probably get beaten if we dared play the jukebox. I also didn't want to take pictures while we were sitting at the bar itself because I didn't want to distract everyone with the flash. Wah waah. The only weird things behind the bar that I wanted to take pictures of were a random giant fax machine and this hanging oval glass case that had some sort of winter scene in it with a little horse and carriage. It was right up close to the ceiling so I couldn't see all of what was going on, but I turned to Paul and asked, "What is up in that, St. Elsewhere?" Crickets. Ah, youth. For those of you that are Paul's age and weren't even alive then, St. Elsewhere was a TV show that took place at a hospital and it starred William Daniels, or as I like to call him, "The Voice of KITT." If you don't get that one, I want to cry. It also featured Howie Mandel in a dramatic role which I still don't really get. ANYWAY - the whole weird thing about the TV show was the last episode which revealed that the entire series took place inside of a snowglobe owned by an autistic boy. Right? And you thought you were disappointed by the Seinfeld finale. A SNOWGLOBE.

Anyway, back to the bar. I did ask the bartender if they got a lot of faxes, and he just looked over at the fax machine and answered, "Not too many anymore." Okay, then. Sadly, since I didn't take too many pictures I missed out on capturing David's mom, who was visiting from South Carolina and decided to make a Bar Tuesday stop during her trip. She came along with David and Michael, who went straight for the Keno slips in true Bar Tuesday fashion. At that time, I was locked in a tight Buzztime trivia battle with Paul, Brent and Bar Tuesday newcomer Rob.



It was all looking good going into the final showdown round, which is like final jeopardy, and then we got the category "Inventive People." Fantastic. I got the question right, but someone wagered more than me, leading to this:



Well played, Paulielicious. Here's how it all shook out at the end:



In addition to the trivia, the bar also had the ubiquitous playmaker at the end of the bar as well as an old favorite that we haven't seen in a while:



That picture is for our old pal Randy. We miss you, buddy.

(Speaking of Randy, he was up from Louisiana for a visit Memorial Day weekend and Paul and I were out with him one late afternoon and we decided to stop by one of our Season One bars for a quick drink. Sadly, the bar was closed when we got there so we just went down the street to...Hooters. I still have no idea why. Me, a gay and an everyone think is gay but isn't but feels bad for the girls. It made PERFECT sense. People, it was disgusting, and not for the Hooters factor. The place itself was just dirty - it was filthier than many of the dive bars we've gone to. Also, it REEKED of dirty ocean air. It was so nasty. And I'm only telling you all of this because Paul will love that I told the story about one of the waitresses walking by and saying, "Wow, it really smells like seafood," and one of us replying under our breath, "Then close your legs." I won't say which one said it, but we really are a classy bunch.)

Where were we? Wow, this recap is all over the place, isn't it? Tangent City up in here. The dirty Hooters story is actually a perfect segueway into the bathroom report for Billy's. When I arrived at the Frosted Mug, I was a resident of Have-To-Peetown, USA so I made my way to the ladies room after I ordered my drink and put my stuff down. When I walked into the bathroom, I was startled and let out an, "oh!" You'd think it would be the dirty sick or lack of paper towels that stopped me:



But no, it was the step-up to the toilet stalls:



WITH NO DOORS. Curtains? Really? Am I in a dressing room? People can't knock on those to see if someone's in there. What if someone doesn't see my feet due to the platform and the long curtains and just decides to whip the curtain open? I would be defenseless! (I have a long history of people walking in on me in the bathroom and am appropriately scarred from it.) The main door to the bathroom seemed to have a lock on it, but it didn't look trustworthy at all so I just ran in and held the curtain with one hand while I tried to pee as fast as I could. Of course, this was after I had to take paper out of the stall with the clogged toilet to pee in the one with no toilet paper. Ah, dive bar bathrooms - gotta love it. Paul ventured into the mens room later and reported that it was the same setup with the stalls except that there were no curtains. Good lord.

On the plus side, the bar did have computer chairs instead of stools:



That was fun to swivel and roll around in those at the bar. And they certainly beat the stools that were at the high top tables in the pool/dart room:



Now there are some Bar Tuesday seats. Even so, the bar fell kind of flat for us - it had a few interesting aspects, but nothing spectacular. Paul had been there one time before and there was a dog behind the bar, so we were hoping for something fun like that, but all we got was a Red Sox game and some die-hard fans. Cue the Price is Right horns of defeat.

Next week: we have a week off, but then we'll be back with all new bars, including one that is a barn. Oh, yes. See you then!

Bar Tuesdays: Season Four - Week One

"This drink tastes like my asshole with caffeine."

And with that statement made by Paul last night, Bar Tuesdays was back.

Since we only went to 3 bars during the winter break, we're going to just call those 3 bars Season 3 1/2 and make this summer the official season four. This time we're going statewide, so expect some new and interesting places. Of course, the more things may change, the more they stay the same as I started off the season last night just like I did in Season 1: dancing with a man with 8 teeth in his head - but we'll get to that. First things first:

Week One: Muldowney's Pub



We started things off this season in Providence at this little hole-in-the-wall Irish bar downtown. Paul and I walked in and sat down just as an impromptu dance party erupted in the corner, with the owner lifting up his shirt and everything. Paul and I just turned to each other and were all, "Welcome back to Bar Tuesdays!"



Paul and I settled into the bar and checked out the scenery as we waited for the others to arrive. Paul: "Maximum capacity 65 people? I've been to house parties bigger than that." A few minutes after we arrived, Paul nudged me and told me to check out a David Cross look-a-like at the bar who was staring at us and looking like he was going to fall asleep. I looked over and saw this completely obliterated guy trying to focus his eyes and smiling away as they kept trying to close. Just then, he got up and stumbled over to us. He smiled and introduced himself to Paul and started saying things that mde no sense. Then he shook my hand and then turned back to Paul and blurted out, "You're cute," and then ran away, giggling. Paul: "I gotta go." It was very sweet.

I had just about finished teasing Paul about his new boyfriend when this person walked in and stood right next to me at the end of the bar and stared at the bartender until the bartender looked up and immediately said, "No! You're not allowed in here anymore. Go."

The person just sneered and shouted back, "That's because last time I was here you were too busy stuffing your face instead of serving me drinks!" Oh, and the "serving me drinks" portion was said along with a finger tapping the bar. It was awesome. The angry person finally left and I heard another patron say that she was gone, which made me turn to Paul and remark, "Wait, that was a woman?" Paul just nodded and said, "We've only been here ten minutes and all of this has already happened." Just then, a homeless person came to the door and stuck his head in and smiled and waved and then just backed out and continued off down the street. This place was amazing.

Throughout the next half hour or so there continued to be brief impromptu dance breakouts, mostly between a guy who was sitting near us who would grab a woman from the other end of the bar and just dance it out. They all seemed to be the Lovable Local regulars that we love so much. Dancer Guy spent most of the rest of the time just singing his heart out to every song that came on the jukebox. At one point, he turned to me and stated, "I love your hair. It's the same color as my daughter's." Then he held onto his heart and swayed. I asked him how old his daughter was and then he launched into Dancer Guy's Life Story, which included the part about him being a twin and being born with a hole in his face. Apparently, he was missing a nose and mouth and all of that important stuff and was in the hospital until he was two years old having all kinds of reconstructive surgery and recovering. He said there are articles about him in the New England Journal of Medicine, which I now need to check out. We heard about his kids and his childhood and his teen years and how he used to have millions but quit to do something else and now has nothing. Oh, but he loved to dance. I was all into the stories - this is what Bar Tuesday is all about! After a little while, the music kicked up loud and Dancer Guy went outside to smoke so Story Time was over. Shortly thereafter, the rest of the group arrived to kick things off all proper:



As usual, Michael went straight for the lotto machines:





I was busy showing the boys my new shoes when Brown Eyed Girl started up on the jukebox. That's when the magic happened. But first, the shoes:



What a great place to wear them for the first time. Anyway, as soon as the song started, Dancing Guy jumped up and yelled, "Yes! I love this song!" Then he came over to me and held out his hand and asked me to dance. How could I say no? Hence, this:



I love Paul's reaction to seeing all of this as he emerged from the bathroom:



Of course, I don't know how I didn't notice this, but I guess Dancing Guy was being Grab Himself guy while we danced:



Yikes. That totally proves the statement that I made to Paul earlier in the evening: "How is it that WE are the classy people in this place? How does that. happen?" So true.

Thankfully, I think the crotch grabbing was just part of the dancing since Paul was outside a few minutes after that and Dancing Guy turned to him and said, "I don't know what you're about, but I think you're a doll."

Paul, the Belle of the Bar Tuesday Ball. I asked Paul if he told him that he was about the ladies, but he said he just thanked him. Then Paul made another bathroom stop after which he came out showing me a camera phone picture of the toilet, complete with duct tape all over the lid. Welcome back to Bar Tuesdays, indeed.

Next week: a bar that reportedly has computer chairs instead of stools. Also? A crew member brings his mom. See you then!

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three 1/2 - Week Three

Welcome to Opposite Day for Bar Tuesday, where we decided to go somewhere classy and swanky for a one-night only event. This idea came about after one of our Greatest Hits bars from season one was robbed the other night. Oh, Track 84 - thank goodness they didn't take the barber chair. So now we have had a murderer hide out and eventually be caught at one bar, a stabbing outside of another, and now a robbery at a third. Methinks a night at a classy joint was just what we needed. We chose the bar at this new hotel as our locale because of its funky interior. Here's a shot from our seats in the VIP section:



We even traded out our sneakers for a night and dressed a little classier. I made up my face like a whore, obviously. Bryan felt the need the leave his fancy Burberry scarf on because it just felt "right":



So we settled into a section in the back of the bar that's filled with strange bed-like seating and a black-and-white pool table. Of course, this all begged the question: what happens when you put the Bar Tuesday crew in a swanky environment? Well, it's sort of like the saying that talks about you being able to take the person out of a trashy environment, but you can't take the trashy out of the person. In our case, we like to call ourselves classy with a 'K.' So apparently you can't take the klassy out of us - we tried at first, with Paul ordering wine and us drinking with our pinkies out and all:



But then reality set in and things like this started happening:



Actually, we just did that because we were so effing bored. The place was dead last night and it had this awful pumped in music that I guess is supposed to be all hip but was really annoying. We had such high hopes when we arrived and Bryan got to order a drink called "The Pontiac Mills Panty Dropper":



But alas, we couldn't find anyone whose panties we would try to drop. We then tried to entertain ourselves with mock pillow fights followed by pillow snowman building:





But that grew old pretty quickly, so we just decided to take pictures in the fun assortment of seating:







That's what I am calling the "Big guy, little chair!" picture.







But even that grew boring after five minutes. How boring was it, Paul?



Exactly.

We made one final attempt to class it up and entertain ourselves by looking at art for sale on the walls and perusing the library:





But we were done. So we piled into our cars and headed down the street to a place that felt so much more like home:



Ye Olde Boulevard.

As usual, we received applause from the patrons when we walked in and hugs from Norma. Relief. We had moved from a place where the mixed drinks were $9.50 to one where they were $3.75, and we were as happy as can be.



Plus, Ye Olde Boulevard has snacks:



You know I will take my junk food over just about anything. We still tried to keep it a little classy for our classy bar night, so Paul continued to drink wine:



Only this time it came out of a box instead of a bottle.

Bryan also kept up on his reading:



Who needs a library with books sorted by color when you can have a stack of trashy romance and mystery novels? Also, Ye Olde Boulevard has the tabletop video game that already has 20 credits in it so Merry can sit there and play the naughty photo hunt for free:



Paul told me to take a picture of her being creepy with the photo hunt, and then two minutes later he and Norma joined her. That is what it's all about my friends: Good drinks and good times at a place that feels like home and where you're treated like family. (I may shed a tear.) Keep your classy $9.50-a-drink bars - we're going to the local dive.

_________________________________________

Paul & Pam Show: Episode 6

Bar Tuesday shenanigans abound in this episode where Tina Turner distracts us repeatedly and Norma makes a special appearance (we had taped a short segment earlier at the swanky bar with us swinging in one of the chairs but it was so dark in there that we were just shadows. Sadly, you missed Paul telling everyone about his diarrhea. Actually, that's probably a blessing that you missed that.):

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three 1/2 - Week Two

We're BACK! Bar Tuesdays are so rare during the winter months, but we knew we had to get together for a very special Bar Tuesday this week when we got word from our favorite bartender Norma that she was having a birthday party for herself at our favorite bar, Ye Olde Boulevard. We decided that we would make the night even more special by also making it our Holiday Bar Tuesday. When we got there, we found the bar decorated properly:



Do you notice something else about that picture? Look at all of those people there! We walked in and were all, "Who are these people? Get out of our bar!" But then again, we were celebrating Norma, so of course the place would be packed. We're just used to there being 2 other people in the bar besides us so we can have Norma to ourselves. Norma had a whole spread of homemade Italian food set up, and there was even karaoke for the occasion, which you know we took full advantage of. However, since it was so crowded, we had to set up shop upstairs for most of the night, which was okay with us. It gave us a good view over all of the festivities - and plus, you KNOW we always roll VIP at the dive bars.

Anyway, we had a good crew that night and just kicked back, celebrated and caught up. Oh, and people kept trying to lick my face in photos. Ah, it was good to be back together again:















This week also marked a special return appearance by world famous sock monkey Tim, who fit right in:





Aw, the two Ts.

Well, he did fit in until he started drinking heavily and then rambling on like a crazy drunk sock:





We finally got him under control as the party wore down and people started clearing out of the bar. This is when we probably should have A) left the bar as well or B) controlled ourselves like the sock. Instead, we decided it would be a good time for a holiday photo shoot with all of the fun and festive decorations. Yay! There's only two other people in the bar, let's have a photo shoot! Yay! Let's watch for Santa:



And sit by the fire!



I'm not sure at what point the photo shoot veered off in another direction, but all I know is that it turned wildly inappropriate. I believe the turning point happened shortly before three of us ended up partially clothed in the bar (er...hi, Mom!), including one of us standing there with his pants around his ankles. The photo shoot also led to a picture involving Paul, a urinal and his ass that I have tried to erase from my brain ever since I saw it. I told him I wouldn't post it, but he was all for it. People, you have been warned. If you still want to see the photo shoot, click here to see it - skip the last photo if you don't want to be scarred for life. Oh, Paul. And if you did dare to glance at the pics (hi, Pam's boobs!), maybe this soothing snow shot from when we were leaving the bar will help to ease your soul after seeing Paul's ass:



Happy Holidays from the Bar Tuesdays Crew, y'all. Now go buy your sock monkey a beer.

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three 1/2 - Week One

Oh, the fall and winter months - how we stay home most weeknights to keep warm and/or watch TV. Thus, welcome to our Fall/Winter Season of Bar Tuesdays, aka the time when we try to have a bar night about once a month. We started things off right with a visit to a bar we had been to once before and loved, the GCB. It’s the Graduate Center Bar at Brown University, and while it is not a dive bar, it is an awesome bar. For one thing, it's underground in an old nuclear fallout shelter, which is reason enough to go right there. It’s also a members-only bar, and you know the name “Bar Tuesdays” can get us in anywhere. Their mixed drinks are also $3. Now THAT is what the Bar Tuesday crew likes to hear. The whole underground fallout shelter thing is fun and all, but the real best part about the GCB is the person who bartends there sometimes during the week:


Oh yes, that would be our favorite bartender in the whole world, the one and only Norma. While she's not serving up booze and drink-shaker microphones at Ye Olde Boulevard, she is moonlighting over at the GCB. The bar itself is made up of four rooms: the large main bar and then a pool table room, a darts room and a general game room that has a giant TV, leather couches and board games and a Playstation. Plus, you see this when you first walk in:



Y'all? The GCB rules.

We spent the beginning of our night playing darts, where Tommy and I dominated.





Aside from the dartboards and a table with chess and checkerboards on it, the dart room also has some fun pictures above the booths:



The Professor fell in love with the picture of a guy in a Cap'n Crunch costume:



While Paul earned a stern "Oh my God, get out of here right now. You need to leave!" from me when I commented on the awesomeness of this picture and he asked, "Who is that?":



When I told him that it was Green Day, he just said that he didn't really know what they looked like, but thankfully he knew who they were. But still - he didn't know that was them? Oh, my 14-year crush on Billie Joe Armstrong is aching my little heart right now.

Anyway, after we finished up our games of darts, we headed back into the main bar, which was filling up. We're not used to such busy places on bar nights. What was this whole other patrons thing about? Of course, we blended RIGHT in and didn't stand out at ALL when Paul started singing along quite loudly to Hey Mama by the Black Eyed Peas. Some of us *ahem* may have gotten up and started dancing with him, too. And I'm sure no one noticed Tommy showing off his flexibility:



Or 3 of us trying to follow suit:



But hey, we were having a good time. Maybe we had some drinks. And blondies. Lots and lots of blondies, courtesy of Manda and her new kickass shoes:



Blondies + alcohol + good friends = lots of love. See?:









Love is all around. We even had Brent's love for his new outfit that he bought that day:



You see why he was voted Best Dressed of the crew?

In addition to each other, booze, shoes and clothes, we also developed a great love for the bathrooms in the GCB because they have comic book stuff going on in them. I took this picture during our original trip to the GCB this summer:



That picture is right above the toilet in the ladies room. In fact, it has comic book tiles scattered all over the walls in the bathroom. I love it. The ladies room also has dirty magnetic poetry and a really comfortable bench. When we first got to the bar the other night, there weren't many people there yet, so I took The Professor into the bathroom to show him the tiles. I asked him to check out the men's room to see if it had the same, and when he went in and saw that the coast was clear, he waved me in. When I first went inside, all I saw were blank white walls above the urinals and was very disappointed. However, when I turned to my right, there stood this bright red stall COVERED in comic book pages. Look at how awesome:



The Professor and I were in there laughing and oohing and aahing over everything and taking pictures and then I happened to look down and catch a glimpse of a pair of feet inside the stall. I quickly ushered him outside and started laughing my head off. Sorry, guy in the bathroom who was trying to do his business in peace until a couple of yahoos came in and started taking pictures!

As the night wound down, we ventured into the game room for a few rounds of Dirty Scattergories and Last Call Toasts:





I love that the TV behind us is tuned to TMZ. Anyway, after we finished the game, we made our way back into the main bar to hang with Norma for a little while before close. She had made some pulled pork for the pool teams that were in earlier and there was still some left, so a few of the crew members were more than happy to finish off the leftovers.





I love the framed napkin art on the wall behind Tommy.

As the night drew to a close, some of us spent time winding down from all of the excitement (booze):



While others...well, yeah:



I have yet to see Paul get tired from drinking. He's always the opposite end of the spectrum.

Anyway, lest you think we forgot, we did manage to sneak in a small photo shoot throughout the evening, complete with my now-standard mini-bathroom shoot with Manda. We took pictures both inside:



And outside:



And the answer to this week's "What Non-Sexy Item is Pam straddling?" would be a giant trash container. HOT.

Click here to see the whole photo shoot. We are as classy as ever.

Bar Tuesdays: Season 3 - Week Eleven

This week we ventured back to one of our favorite Season One bars, the ol’ Bottom Line, aka “Roadhouse.”



Happily, it still held up as a fantastic dive bar, with ridiculously cheap and strong drinks. Vodka tonics that were mostly vodka? $3. Towards the end of the night, the bartender had run out of regular-sized glasses so some of us ended up with even larger drinks for the same price. Oh, Bottom Line – you rule in so many ways. One of which may be the inclusion of a certain item on your food menu:



I am SO curious and yet terrified to know what exactly a chicken figure is. Or this “becon” that is being served on the chicken filet sandwich. Sadly, the kitchen is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, so we weren’t able to find out the answers to such mysteries. I think that’s best. Instead, the bartender came over at one point with a takeout menu to the classy Season One bar down the street and offered to get us something since she was ordering in. Brent took advantage of the offer and got himself some potato skins.



3 hours later, a drunken Paul finished off the last one:



Ew.

Anyway, the rest of the bar was just as great as we remembered. There were curious trophies:



I really hope those are for pool-playing.

And this awesome chair, in front of an even better sign warning people away from the evils of nasty local Narragansett beer:



Why would you even keep that chair in the bar? Trash that! Maybe the chair is secretly worth a lot of money, which would explain the security cameras we saw all over the place:



There were at least 4 of them that we could see. The big question from all of us was, “For what?” Perhaps Manda’s treats – she has become quite the popular lady recently whenever we see her come in carrying a bag of goodies. First it was cookies, then strawberry nut bread, and this week it was banana bread. Ryan was such a fan of her strawberry nut bread last week that as soon as he heard the word “bread,” he wheeled around to see what was being offered this time:



Bread? What??

Paul was eating his heart out, which may not have been a good thing since he announced as soon as we got there that he had to “take a Bottom Line shit.” However, if you checked out the recap from last year, you will see how nasty the men’s bathroom is there, and this time it was no different. Paul actually went in there and came right back out, saying that it was too gross in there for him to even do it. Now people – Paul will shit pretty much ANYWHERE. For him to say it is too gross for him to do his thing is pretty bad. He actually considered just going outside in the surrounding woods. That bathroom has got to be pretty bad. (His second choice was the dumpster, which he got into for the photo shoot, but we all begged him not to, so he didn’t. He actually ended up having to brave the bathroom later and Brent couldn’t get out of there fast enough as he was caught peeing at the time. “Bad things are happening in there.” HA! And Paul, we love you - just please stop farting in my car.)

On the other side of things, Manda and I can attest to the fact that the ladies room seems to be no better. This is the place where I almost fell through the floor last year. It smells like mothballs so bad in there, and there are missing tiles and random pieces of wood nailed up all over the place:



Oh yes, and then there was the matter of the DEAD FLY on top of one of the toilets:



As awesome as the Bottom Line is in every other way, it still has the nastiest bathrooms we have experienced at any of the bars we have been to. Happily, it still has an awesome jukebox:



I don’t know who was using it before me, but I ended up with about 11 credits more than I should have had, so we may have gone a little nuts with out selections. I started with Daybreak by Barry Manilow just because I thought it was awesome that a jukebox in a bar like that would have Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits album on it. I chose that particular song in honor of one of the greatest movies ever made, Serial Mom. Of course, when it actually started playing, even I was embarrassed by my selection. But it was the first one I played, so I just blamed it on the person before me. It was that person’s last song, I swear. Of course, I was embarrassed by that, but not this one?



I don’t want to say who was responsible for that selection, but it may have been one of these people:



Probably both. Surprisingly, The Chipmunk Song went over quite well. Many people were singing along. That Alvin – he brings people together. And we totally need to play more Christmas music when we go to the bars. Of course, we did play some regular songs as well. My Humps even got some of us up and showing off our finest “ridiculous look-at-me-being-all-grindy” dance faces:



But most of the time, we stayed in our seats and just enjoyed the tunes, the cheap drinks, and hanging out with each other:









The birthday boys of this weekend!

Of course, we did venture out of our seats for more than just the bathroom and the dancing. There was the matter of this week’s photo shoot. At first, we thought that there wasn’t going to be one because there isn’t much outside the front of the bar. It’s in the middle of a neighborhood down a residential street, so the only thing around the front of it and next door are woods and a house. But THEN – oh, but then Manda and Paul ventured out to the back smoker’s patio and Manda came back in to inform me that there was a wheelchair in the back. That’s all I needed to hear to get me out of my seat.



The back patio had enough great stuff, but then we went out into the backyard and hit the photo shoot jackpot. Horseshoe pits, TWO old shacks, piles of logs, etc. It was like magic. Click here to see the whole photo shoot in all of its glory (with some added bathroom shots at the end that Manda and I grabbed for as long as we could stand it in there. She was quite sad to find a tiny plunger in there.). Here’s a little sampling of what’s in there to whet your appetite:






Quote of the photo shoot: DAVID: “Hurry up and pose, it smells like piss out here.” True story. Oh, and the answer to this week's "What non-sexy item is Pam straddling?" = a horseshoe stake.

Paul’s favorite discovery of the night may have been that old wheelchair, because later on after most of us had left, he decided to bring it into the bar and spend the rest of the night in it. Manda sent me these pictures the next morning:





They ended up staying until close and Manda told me that when they were in the parking lot, a drunken patron rode up on his bike to marvel at the fact that Paul was up and walking around. It’s a miracle!!! Then he rambled on to them for a while before kicking up some dust and riding away on his ten-speed.

I know I’ve said this before, but the Bottom Line RULES.

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three - Week Ten

This week we revisited one of our favorite places from Season One, Meadowbrook Lanes & Lounge. In short, it was time to drink & bowl.



Sadly, when we arrived at the bowling alley at our 8PM meeting time, the youngin' working there informed us that the bowling was closing early that night (for some still unknown reason), so we'd only be able to bowl until 9. That still gave us time to get a game in:



That's Priscilla on the left, one of a few Bar Tuesday virgins that we had come this week. Also experiencing their first Bar Tuesdays? Cristina:



And The Professor:



Also making her once-a-season mandated appearance was Miss Liz:



Even though we only got to bowl one game, we still had fun hanging out in the alley:



Well, that is until Brent was reading Frito's shirt and asked, "Who is that? Bea who?" Frito and I both immediately told Brent that he had to leave, because people:



Even if you don't immediately recognize the name Bea Arthur (and seriously, if you don't, you should be VERY ASHAMED OF YOURSELF because she rules mightily), you should still make the connection after one glance at her glorious photo. Brent finally figured it out, but it took him a little too long for all of our tastes. For shame, Brent!

Once we met the 9 o'clock witching hour for bowling, we made our way into the lounge area of the alley, but it's quite small in there and there weren't enough seats for all of us, so after a little while we decided that we should head off somewhere else. Since we had a bunch of newbies with us, we knew that the only place we should be going is back to old faithful Ye Olde Boulevard so that everyone could meet Norma:



As usual, The Boulevard didn't disappoint. There was only one other patron in there besides the Bar Tuesdays crew, so we pretty much just took over the bar. Shots were had, pool was played, Manda's strawberry nut brownies were eaten:



Also, some people who will remain anonymous were making out in the parking lot (this seems to be a Ye Olde Boulevard tradition - I believe it's happened every time we've been there but one), new friends were being welcomed into the crew:





Paul gave an encore performance of And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going into the drink strainer per Norma's request:



And a few brave souls dared to share one pickled egg from the jar behind the bar:







Cristina and Priscilla tasted some of it, but I think Frito ate most of it, that sick bastard. Speaking of Frito, he had me take this picture of part of the back of the bar so we can all play "One of these things is not like the other":



Let's see, we've got our Jack Daniels, our Peachtree Schnapps, our Jim Beam, our Cuervo, and our...Raid? Oh, Ye Olde Boulevard, how we love you so.

Before we headed out for the night, Norma demanded a new group photo since we've got some new crew members this season. She still has our other photo on her refrigerator at home, which is beyond awesome. So some of us followed her up to one of the church pews for a good ol' fashioned group shot:



Next time I say we do an old school Family Feud-style opening pose.

Next week - a bar in a basement that offers Free Jukebox all night on Tuesdays. They have no idea what they are in for....

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three - Week Nine

This week's stop? Murray's Pub:





We first heard about Murray's when they befriended us on our MySpace Page. The screen name for the bar's page is gloriously seedy, so we knew we had to make Murray's a stop on our tour. (The best part? They sent out a bulletin telling people that Bar Tuesdays was coming! Awesome.) Even though the outside of the bar is a little sketchy looking, the inside wasn't bad at all. There were shamrocks and green lights everywhere and everyone was friendly. Hell, there were even fake flowers all over the joint:





Who's swanky now, Rosie's? They also had a very interesting menu:



As the various members of the crew arrived, almost every one of them asked, "Who is trying the liver and onions?" The answer: no one. We may be jackasses sometimes, but we're not dumbasses. Manda and I are still curious about what exactly a "Cachupa" is (Frito: "El chupacabra?"), but we'll let that mystery live on.

We ended up with a big crew of 13 people this week, including some Bar Tuesday virgins, such as Manda's brother (in the middle):



Our buddy Val (who complained about us making her laugh too much):



And Lucy's husband, Mike:



Where better to enjoy newlywed love than at a seedy bar? NOWHERE, I TELL YOU.

As always, there were laughs and good times all around all night:













That's Paul showing off his new Carrie Underwood keychain to Manda. Oh, Paul.

We also engaged in some of our classic "we are classy" conversations, such as one involving someone asking one of our gay crew members if he could teach the guy's wife how to give a really good blow job.

At one point, I wandered into the back pool table room to hit the bathroom and discovered one of the greatest things I have ever seen in my life just waiting for me in the stall. Behold, the world's longest-handled plunger:



What the heck? It was awesome. When I went to get Manda to show her this discovery, she was eager to tell me about the other strange thing that I noticed when I walked into the bathroom - an old office chair:



This, of course, led to this week's mini-indoor photo shoot (the bar is in the middle of a neighborhood, so there was nothing fun around for an outdoor shoot this week). Since the entire bathroom was about the size of a handicapped stall, we didn't have much room to do much, so it's only a small photo shoot. But seriously, you can't go wrong with an office chair and a giant plunger, especially when they lead to genius shots such as this:



That is my new favorite Photo Shoot shot. To see the rest of the shoot, click here.

That picture is a great introduction into what we did the rest of the night at Murray's, which was some karaoke. We made this week a Wednesday night bar night as well to take advantage of the Wednesday-Sunday night karaoke at Murray's. Luckily, we picked a night that didn't have too many singers, so we were able to rock the mic all night long. And you know a karaoke night is going to be interesting when Paul STARTS things off with his signature Fergalicious, or as he was singing in parts the other night, Paulielicious:



My favorite part of the video is just after the break when Paul starts the rap - watch the local at the bar turn around and look at him all, "WTF?!" Love it. After that, every time it was his turn to sing, the karaoke DJ would announce, "It's Paulie time!" That is truly one of my favorite times.

In terms of the rest of us, since Murray's seemed like more of a rocker crowd, we tried to oblige them with many of our songs throughout the night. Here's a clip montage of some of the crew (and you can see us this time!):



Sadly, I had to leave before getting to see Manda pop her karaoke cherry late in the night with some Danzig. I need to see that done again.

Happily, I was still there when Frito emerged from the men's room and said, "You need to record some of the words of wisdom from the bathroom wall." Apparently, above the urinal (and below the stained wall) there were some classic sentiments scrawled on the wall, such as: "Poop tastes good," along with the witty retort, "So does your mom's poop," "Slayer Rules," and my absolute favorite, and the thing that instantly made me want to return to Murray's again, "John Tesh is an alien." WHO writes that on a bathroom wall? I asked my mother this question and she said, "It sounds like something you would write." It just sounds brilliant to me. Whoever wrote that clearly needs to call me.

And with that, another Bar Tuesday comes to a close. I mean, really, where else can you go from "John Tesh is an alien"? Anything after that will pale in comparison. But all in all, we had a great time as always, and Murray's made the "we'll have to go back there" list. Even if it's just to visit that awesome plunger.