aka, sneak peek of clips from our upcoming Paul & Pam show episode where we head to the local county fair. We got dressed up in our trashiest outfits and fit right in. Enjoy:
Never again, Zipper. Never again. In happier news, the "Guess Your Age Within 2 Years" guy thought I was 25. Sweet!
Why, hello there. It's been a while, my lovelies. Apparently I decided to take a blog summer vacation. Who knew? I don't know why, but I just haven't been in the zone or inspired to sit down and take the time to write much outside of a Bar Tuesday review (and I even have two of those I haven't gotten to yet!). On the one hand, I have been keeping pretty busy this summer, which is always a good and fun thing because we know that will all change when fall TV starts, but on the other hand I fear my summer vacation may turn into a fall one, then winter....
I don't know, maybe I'm just getting old and crotchety and I'll be back here posting away as soon as September hits. Or maybe it's because I'm getting old and outgrowing all of it. I'm going to be 35 next month and I am not looking forward to it. That is OLD, y'all. I'm going to be out of the target 18-34 demographic! NO! Does this mean I'm going to have to start watching Diagnosis Murder repeats? I REFUSE.
Ahem.
Anyway, as I was saying, things have changed since I started my blog way back in January of 2003. Things have happened, life has happened and I have been happy to go through a lot of it with you guys. Maybe that's what will keep me coming back. However, I'm not in my 20's anymore - I initially set up a blog just to keep myself in the habit of writing. I had been out of it a little bit and wanted to keep at it to keep my writing "muscles" toned. The practice helped me in developing a stronger voice in my writing and my blog found me a lot of fantastic friends. This is another reason that I may come back and hang around more often, although I now have other ways of keeping in touch with them. As my age keeps creeping, life keeps happening to and all around me - friends are married and having babies and chnaging careers and going back to school and all kinds of things. Our priorities and wants and needs in life evolve, mine included. Perhaps the need to write just to write has gone away for me - maybe there's more important and other things for me right now. Maybe they're waiting in Brooklyn. Who knows? One can hope for more, right?
I guess what all of this senseless rambling is trying to say is, "Hi. I'm here checking in, but who knows how long I'll keep checking in for. I'll probably take most of the summer off, but before I do, here's a highlight of some things I've been up to instead of being here." Wow, I should have just said that from the get-go.
So lete's do this - the highlights of my adventures since my last entry. Shall we?
- Connecticon. PEOPLE, Connecticon was an AMAZING event. As I probably mentioned before, Paul and I are going to be having our own public access variety show so we have started filming some of our adventures for it. A friend of ours works at the convention center in Hartford, Connecticut and told us all about this anime/comic convention that she worked last year. Paul and I thought it sounded like the perfect place to film some stuff, and it was beyond our wildest dreams. The convention ran from Friday-Sunday and after going on the Sunday, we had wished that we had gone to the whole thing. We were there for almost 6 hours just fascinated by everyone and everything. It was the best. We need to go to more of it next year. And we need to go to the furry convention in October that someone told us about. But I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself. First, let's start with the ensembles. We heard that people dressed in all kinds of costumes and such for it, but my brother pooh-poohed my idea of wearing my Wonder Woman costume (Next year!), so we opted to just dress in bright, fun outfits. Paul pulled one of his thrift store finds from the other public access show that we guest hosted, thinking he would stick out a little, but as we found out, we were pretty underdressed. Anyhoo, here's what we wore:
To give you a partial understanding as to why we felt underdressed when we got there, here is a woman who I quickly became obsessed with and stalked for a good half hour before approaching her:
She was AWESOME. She was also the one who gave us the tip about the Furry Convention, which is something I simply need to be at. I wonder if I can get a monkey head for it. Anyway, there was so much to do and see at the convention. First, there were the people themselves. You really didn't even need to do anything more than just hang out with the people. They were all so nice, too. There were a lot of people with "free hugs" signs and impromptu song & dance parties were breaking out everywhere you went. I believe that Paul and I joined into a dance to a Pokemon-related song, but I'm still not sure. We enjoyed whatever it was. Aside from that, there were video game rooms, dice, card and board game tables, larp-related swordfighting tournaments, etc. There was also a huge shopping area with vendors selling all sorts of things and another room upstairs where artists were selling their stuff. You could get drawings commissioned, so Paul took advantage of that after seeing one of the examples shown on one table. So here, for only $10, is a personal sketch of Paul sitting on the toilet:
What is better than that?
Well, I would imagine some video clips would work out better. We ended up taking about 45 minutes of footage, but here's a 4 minute teaser video I made to whet people's appetite for the full show. Enjoy:
Oh, Connecticon - we love you.
- Dating in the Dark - People, I am obsessed. Have you seen this show? If not, get thee to abc.com immediately and watch it there. I LOVE IT. It's so ridiculous but I got sucked right in. If you haven't heard about it, it's a dating show that features 3 girls and 3 guys each episode who go on a series of dates in a room that is completely black. They can't see ANYTHING. After 3 days, each person gets to pick one person to see lit up. After they see what the chose person looks like, then they decide to either meet that person upstairs on an outdoor balcony to go on another date after the show is done or else walk out the front door. Here's what I love - when someone is waiting anxiously on the balcony for their desired mate to come out and meet them they can look right down and watch the person leave out the front door if they are not interested. So you've got this poor guy up on the balcony all excited and then you see the girl wheeling her suitcase right the hell out of there and not look back. It's so great. What's even better is watching the reactions of the people when they finally see the others in the light. They only light one person at a time, so the other is left in the dark to react and we get to watch them all mentally say, "Yeeesh!" Then they go back and shit talk with the other contestants. It's so great, just watch. Guilty, guilty pleasure. Mondays at 10!
- THIS. I have already requested one for my birthday. That is a must have item if I've ever seen one.
- Still revisiting movies from my youth from time to time, and I just watched Purple Rain. That movie? SUCKS. Oh my God. I think I'd only seen the TV edit when I was younger and I didn't remember most of it. I just remembered the lake part and clips that were in the music videos from the movie. But seriously, why is that movie so bad? Do people know this? Are they distracted by the good music? Because that is the only good thing about it. Now I love me some Morris Day, but are we supposed to believe that he is a straight man in that movie? And what purpose does Jerome serve on stage? Honestly, watch the performance of The Bird and tell me why Jerome is there. Give the guy a tambourine or something. But the acting? Oh my God. And the horrible message!!! So Prince - wait, "THE KID" - sorry, so The Kid watches his father beat the shit out of his mother all the time and then he hits his girlfriend on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION and both women stay with them? And The Kid never even apologizes? That shit is messed up. Appolonia should have stomped on his tiny ass with one of his high heels. I can't even imagine what Under the Cherry Moon is like. I don't even want to know. All I know is that this movie does not stand up at ALL. It's so bad. The music, however, does hold up. How can it not? Although I had no idea what Darling Nikki was about when I was listening to the LP in 1984. That's probably best, since I was 10. Buy the album, skip the movie.
- Tinted Windows!! The guys, or as I like to call them, "James Iha, the drummer from Cheap Trick, the guitarist from Fountains of Wayne, and Taylor Hanson on lead vocals" are doing a couple of shows this summer and one of them happened to be in Boston on Monday, so you know I was there. After the first week of indecision about some of it, the whole album completely grew on me and is just so good. They've got an 80's retro power-pop thing going on and I like it. The funny thing about seeing them live is that it looks like a bunch of dads who invited the neighborhood kid to come and sing with them while they jam. Still - they sounded really good, and it was really cool to see Mr. Iha play. As always, pictures:
You can't really see in those two pictures, but Taylor's ass was unbelievable that night. He's usually hiding it behind keyboards or not wearing jeans like this or something, but it was mesmerizing. I tried to crop it out of another picture but it still doesn't do it justice and just makes me look majorly creepy:
Maybe a video clip I took will show it off better. Taylor's looking fine, and that's James Iha to his right:
I also love the novelty of Taylor telling me that I'm his Cha Cha. I don't know what that means, but I want to be his cha cha. IF he gets rid of that stupid tiny Nonytail. Yuck.
So that's some of what's been happening here. What's been going on in your neck of the woods?
But as Paul and I proved recently, you still can't take us anywhere. But we'll get to that.
First - sorry I am so late with these posts. There have been Things to update about, but there has not been Time. My bad. The Idol thoughts and NYC adventures will be coming, but first, let's do this one.
Anyhoodle - Paul and I recently attended a charity event to benefit the American Heart Association's Wear Red campaign for heart health awareness for women. We were asked to dress semi-formal and to try to wear something red, even if it was just an accessory (Check us out on the red carpet!) . The event was sponsored by our local country music station and it featured 4 acoustic sets by country singers Dean Brody, Jason Michael Carroll, Jamie O'Neal and Jessica Andrews. I wasn't familiar with the guys, but I love both of those ladies so we decided to get ourselves some tickets. The tickets for the concert itself were only $9.85, but they were also offering a pre-show VIP reception for $35 a ticket with free champagne and appetizers as well as meet-and-greets with all of the singers. All of the proceeds were going to the charity, and you KNOW Paul and I love to roll VIP, so we were so in for that reception. Yay, classy Pam and Paul:
As soon as we got there, Paul headed straight for the bar, but moments later the singers all came into the room. Most of the guests hadn't arrived yet, so Paul and I made a beeline over to the two ladies so I could meet them and then we could focus on the free champagne and eats. We ended up second in line to meet Jamie O'Neal and if you guys have never heard her song There Is No Arizona, you should give it a listen. It was her first single and made me a fan instantly. Anyway, she was nice and looked very much like a country singer:
After that, we headed over to see Jessica, who ranks as one of my favorite country singers. She hasn't had an album in quite some time, so I was excited to hear that one should be released this summer. Some of you may know her from Who I Am, which was her big hit, among a number of others. (Sing it with me now, country fans: "I am Rosemary's granddaughter....") Pop culture people may know her from the song Show Me Heaven, which was on one of the Dawson's Creek soundtracks. In any case, she was super-cute and really nice and tore it up during the concert. Here we are with Miss Andrews:
After that, the room started to fill and Paul and I decided to kick back and enjoy the free champagne and the FANTASTIC people watching. We especially enjoyed this gentleman's tapestry vest/tie combo:
There were some hot messes there, especially this older couple who decided to stand right near me and Paul and start dry humping against the wall. Paul swears he was trying to eat her face off. It was disgusting. Throughout all of this, Paul and I were also watching that Jason Michael Carroll character because he was a quite fascinating fellow. He looked quite grungy and not really country. Also? He looked shady. That's when I announced to Paul, "Well, now we have to go have our picture taken with him because he looks like such a creep." Paul agreed so we got in line and decided to introduce ourselves as Bart and Stella. We also both secretly threw up the pointers just as the photo was about to be taken:
After the picture, he chatted us up while he was signing an autograph and he was SUPER nice and really cool. Paul and I then felt bad for being assholes for about 15 seconds, but it passed. Since we waited in line for him, we decided to just go and meet the other guy as well. This decision also may have had something to do with the fact that Dean Brody is hot as HELL, people. You can't tell it from the picture we got with him, but this guy has got ice blue eyes, dark hair and a kickass body. Mama liked. Here he is from a promo shot I found:
Mmmm.... And here we are with him:
As with the other folks, he was also really nice, especially when he stopped mid-autograph and asked if it was okay that he was making it out to both of us. I said, "That's fine, it's going to be under my pillow tonight anyway." Paul's response? A horrified, "You're a creep." Dean Brody's response? A goofy, "Awesome." Awesome, indeed. Paul was still reeling from me petting the head of the Marine who was standing in front of us in line anyway. What was I to do? It was so fuzzy and inviting!
After the reception, we made our way to the room where the concert was going to be, where I just chilled:
And Paul went straight to the place where he would be found multiple times throughout the night:
We watched both of the ladies perform and a little bit of Dean Brody's set, but our feet hurt and we were hungry so we went off in search of food during Jason's set. On our way back, we noticed some fun things around the hotel where the event was being held and thought they would make perfect props for an impromptu photo shoot. Of course, as with us, things started off relatively normal:
...but then veered very quickly into inappropriate:
You can see how classy we are in the rest of the photo shoot as well as a new Paul & Pam Show from the event after the jump!
Another trip to the public access show, another show of jackassery. Also? Another Paul & Pam Show. This time we appeared on the Valentine's Day episode of the public access show and really outdid ourselves with our thrift store outfit finds. I didn't think anything could top my Latoya Jackson/ringmaster inspired ensemble complete with WIG until Paul busted out some pink ultra-suede ladies pants. Did I mention his white vinyl cap? Oh hell yes, he did:
Paul wasn't a scheduled guest on the show that night as I made up the final crew, but I brought him along for a loving duet. You can catch a clip of our performance that David filmed in the studio during this week's Paul & Pam Show. Also watch for appearances by David, Bryan, the wig, and our favorite pizza waitress:
Oh, Paul. Those were his words up there as we stood in line for an autograph signing after a mini-concert by Melinda Doolittle at a local casino last weekend. Of course, Paul was saying this as he wiped the sweat that was pouring off of his face. I reminded him that he had touched Carrie's hand 4 times at her concert, but he replied with, "Yes, but I've never spoken to one before." Then he continued to sweat and wipe as we got closer in the line. It was hilarious. After we met Melinda and had pictures taken, his hands were shaking. Aww, Paul.
And can I just say how incredibly nice Miss Doolittle is? She's one of my all-time favorite Idol contestants and she was as gracious and sweet as she was on the show. Also? That girl can SANG. Crazy good. Her album comes out today, but we were able to buy copies at the event on Saturday. It's an old-school R&B throwback album and you all need to go and listen to Dust My Broom right now. Anyway, Melinda sang 5 songs off of the album and then closed with one of her favorites from Idol, and it was the song that Paul was hoping for the whole day, I'm a Woman. She sang the roof off of the place, y'all. Here's a clip I grabbed:
I thought Paul was going to pee himself with all of the growling she did. We waited over an hour in line for the autographs, but Melinda said she was going to stay until every last person got something signed and a picture. We were happy to get both:
After that, Paul and I were STARVING so we headed to this interesting-looking place that we saw off the highway on our way there called Stuckeys. It was attached to a gas station so we knew it had to be classy. However, when we arrived there with our stomachs growling like no other, we found that Stuckeys was actually a souvenir shop with Roy Rogers and Sbarro counters inside. With the horns of disappointment wah-waahing in our heads, we jumped back into the car and checked my GPS for the closest restaurant that sounded good. We found one right down the street called Brick Oven, so we headed over for what we imagined to be some tasty pizza.
Yeah...not so much.
Turns out The Brick Oven was a slightly shady-looking family restaurant. As soon as we saw the outside, we decided that we had to eat there. From the moment we walked inside, Paul and I had the giggles the whole time. First, our waitress brought over a dry-erase posterboard with the specials on it and leaned it against the wall across from our table. She left it there until the next party arrived and then she walked it over to them. Second, we were treated to some dining music courtesy of a boombox straight out of Breakin'. Then there was the soup that Paul got that he described as "a bunch of Progresso soups just thrown together."
After that, we noticed a drink menu on the table so Paul ordered a glass of wine. What arrived at the table was one of those single person bottles of wine accompanied by the smallest wine glass in the history of the world. Did I mention how dusty and dirty the bottom of the stem was? That was probably what put us over the edge into the church giggles.
Check out that boombox over Paul's shoulder. The Brick Oven was magic. Of course, we'll be bringing everyone back there but maybe for breakfast next time since I paid $11.95 for chicken parmesan which was clearly made with those frozen chicken patties and came with pasta and Prego sauce. I can buy that at the supermarket for half the price. Hopefully when we go back, the same patrons won't be there since Paul let a real big one rip just as we were walking out the door. Such class. Hopefully we can convince someone to order the "calves liver and onions" next time. Keep those fingers crossed!
We managed to take some footage at the restaurant during this week's Paul & Pam show and it includes a shot of the specials board as well as some footage from the casino and outside of Stuckeys. You can witness it all right here:
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this video do not necessarily reflect those of the sockgirlie. Or anyone. Some people are very drunk.
Okay, so this is just a hot mess. After filming this, I was told by a number of people that I was not allowed to edit out even one second. Normally I would whittle this down into a nice 5 minute package, but instead you will get all 8 minutes and 48 seconds of madness.
The venue: karaoke at Rosie's lounge. Special appearances: many. Drunk hosts: one. Profanities: numerous. Potentially offensive conversation: about 4 minutes worth. Karaoke violation: one major one.
Don't say I didn't warn you about this one - and let me just say that this was not the first song of the evening in which a certain patron and his companion decided to just bring their own CDs and sing along with the artist instead of doing actual karaoke. What's the point? You are not Coldplay or Alison Krauss, stop trying to pretend. This karaoke offense may have sent some of us over the edge. Hoo boy:
Welcome to Opposite Day for Bar Tuesday, where we decided to go somewhere classy and swanky for a one-night only event. This idea came about after one of our Greatest Hits bars from season one was robbed the other night. Oh, Track 84 - thank goodness they didn't take the barber chair. So now we have had a murderer hide out and eventually be caught at one bar, a stabbing outside of another, and now a robbery at a third. Methinks a night at a classy joint was just what we needed. We chose the bar at this new hotel as our locale because of its funky interior. Here's a shot from our seats in the VIP section:
We even traded out our sneakers for a night and dressed a little classier. I made up my face like a whore, obviously. Bryan felt the need the leave his fancy Burberry scarf on because it just felt "right":
So we settled into a section in the back of the bar that's filled with strange bed-like seating and a black-and-white pool table. Of course, this all begged the question: what happens when you put the Bar Tuesday crew in a swanky environment? Well, it's sort of like the saying that talks about you being able to take the person out of a trashy environment, but you can't take the trashy out of the person. In our case, we like to call ourselves classy with a 'K.' So apparently you can't take the klassy out of us - we tried at first, with Paul ordering wine and us drinking with our pinkies out and all:
But then reality set in and things like this started happening:
Actually, we just did that because we were so effing bored. The place was dead last night and it had this awful pumped in music that I guess is supposed to be all hip but was really annoying. We had such high hopes when we arrived and Bryan got to order a drink called "The Pontiac Mills Panty Dropper":
But alas, we couldn't find anyone whose panties we would try to drop. We then tried to entertain ourselves with mock pillow fights followed by pillow snowman building:
But that grew old pretty quickly, so we just decided to take pictures in the fun assortment of seating:
That's what I am calling the "Big guy, little chair!" picture.
But even that grew boring after five minutes. How boring was it, Paul?
Exactly.
We made one final attempt to class it up and entertain ourselves by looking at art for sale on the walls and perusing the library:
But we were done. So we piled into our cars and headed down the street to a place that felt so much more like home:
Ye Olde Boulevard.
As usual, we received applause from the patrons when we walked in and hugs from Norma. Relief. We had moved from a place where the mixed drinks were $9.50 to one where they were $3.75, and we were as happy as can be.
Plus, Ye Olde Boulevard has snacks:
You know I will take my junk food over just about anything. We still tried to keep it a little classy for our classy bar night, so Paul continued to drink wine:
Only this time it came out of a box instead of a bottle.
Bryan also kept up on his reading:
Who needs a library with books sorted by color when you can have a stack of trashy romance and mystery novels? Also, Ye Olde Boulevard has the tabletop video game that already has 20 credits in it so Merry can sit there and play the naughty photo hunt for free:
Paul told me to take a picture of her being creepy with the photo hunt, and then two minutes later he and Norma joined her. That is what it's all about my friends: Good drinks and good times at a place that feels like home and where you're treated like family. (I may shed a tear.) Keep your classy $9.50-a-drink bars - we're going to the local dive.
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Paul & Pam Show: Episode 6
Bar Tuesday shenanigans abound in this episode where Tina Turner distracts us repeatedly and Norma makes a special appearance (we had taped a short segment earlier at the swanky bar with us swinging in one of the chairs but it was so dark in there that we were just shadows. Sadly, you missed Paul telling everyone about his diarrhea. Actually, that's probably a blessing that you missed that.):
I have other posts to write, but I also have Lost to watch, and my friends, we know which one will win that battle. So in the meantime while I am off to the island, here's a short new Paul & Pam Show from karaoke the other night at Rosie's Lounge. Special appearance by Rosie herself followed by a very dark karaoke clip. Rosie keeps that place dimly lit, y'all:
Welcome, welcome to the live blog of the 2009 PARTY OF THE YEAR. People, it is all downhill after this. It's so nice to have the Globes back after last year's press conference as it is one of my favorite awards shows, so welcome back, Globes.
Joining me for the live blog tonight are special guests Paul, David and The Professor. This should be interesting. Look for updates every ten minutes or so, and please - comment away if you've got something to say. And David has already been warned about the high likelihood of a Tom Hanks appearance, so be ready. Let's do this.
- Those Pussycat Dolls sure do like to open the show, don't they? When I grow up, I want to be a glorified stripper, mommy.
-Oh, hi Jennifer Lopez and Best Supporting Actress - Kate WInslet!!! Yay! Now someone please give this woman an Oscar already. Criminy. God, she looks gorgeous.
- PAUL: Is that Rumer Willis? PAM: Yes, she's Miss Golden Globes. PAUL: She looks like a man.
- Sting, looking like a TOTAL CREEP. Shit, what the hell, Sting?
- Best Original Song - PAUL: This one needs to win just because it's Miley Cyrus. Oh, Paul.
- PAM: Ugh, I hate Bruce Springsteen. He can kiss my ass. Look at Mickey Rourke, he is such a hot mess.
- Helloooooo, Simon Baker. I want Eva Longoria's dress.
- Rumer Willis - PAUL: Oh, you f*cking ugly piece of shit. Oh, don't be all proud of her, Demi.
- Tom Hanks sighting! David is shaking his fist like no other.
- ...And we have Paul's first fart of the evening. THIS IS A FART-FREE ZONE!!!!
- DAVID & PAUL: Whoa, Drew Barrymore! PAUL: She looks like she drove here with her head out the window. DAVID: She looks like she just blew somebody.
- Zac Efron gets announced. PAM: Hold up, I need to pause this to give it my full attention. DAVID: I hope he bust out with a dance number. PAUL: Somebody's going to throw him a basketball and he's going to bust out some Getcha Head in the Game. The PROFESSOR: He's wearing his basketball jersey under there. PAM: Oh my God, he's totally going to sing Scream.
- Gabriel Byrne? Wah. Denied the Laurie! DAVID: I so wanted Jonathan Rhys-Meyers up there.
- Zachary Quinto, looking FINE, unless you are Paul, who is offended that someone said he looks like him. Someone tell him that is a compliment - he's very upset. Paul, Sylar is HOT.
- Anna Paquin wins - DAVID: That's because she gets naked. PAUL: Show a tit, get an award!
- I have just issued a Robert Downey Jr. is off-limits rule after Paul and David made rehab jokes at his expense. You do NOT touch the Downey.
- Ricky Gervais, with a drink in his hand - who is he, Kid Rock?
- EVERYONE: Why are the Jonas Brothers at the Golden Globes?? PAM: They are not attractive.
- Commercials - lengthly poo dollar discussion ensues. We are so classy.
- JOHNNY DEPP. Once, again, off limits. "And the Golden Globe goes to...." PAM: My vagina. PROF: Pam can't go an hour without saying "my vagina." PAM: True story. PAUL: Rumer Willis, you ugly dirty bitch. Still no idea what Paul's deal is about Rumer Willis.
- Okay, Sally Hawkins is cute and all, but where is the orchestra? Wrap it up, lady. If Dick Clark was running this, this would not be happening. He cuts off Frank Sinatra, because he is a GANGSTER like that. Mmm-hmm.
- DAVID: We should go see Happy Go Lucky this week. I heard she shows her business. PAUL: Yeah, but she looks like Amy Winehouse so she probably has a dirty Winehouse cooter. EVERYONE ELSE: AAAAGHHHH!
- Jake Gyllenhaal, too? This room is FULL of hotties. Good Lord. DAVID: Why am I not in that room right now? Why am I here?
- Drew Barrymore - girl, that hair. But that dress is divine. I'll leave the hair up to my friends The Fug Girls.
- PAUL: Oh, f*cking P. Diddy. Get the hell out of there. [FART] That's what I think about Cranford.
- Tom Hanks! - David is currently holding up a knife to my TV.
- Demi Moore - PAUL: Oh, don't you even talk to your ugly daughter.
- Best Supporting Actor - First of many Heath Ledger awards. I still get a little misty. Ooh, GOB! Love you, Will Arnett.
- DAVID?: Colin Farrell, oh he can spit on me. Mmmm!
- PAM: If Tony Shalhoub wins tonight, I'm leaving. PAUL: You live here. PAM: Exactly.
Commercials - conversation about getting hookers on Craigs List ensues. We remain classy.
- Fart #6 - THIS A FART-FREE ZONE, Paul!!!!
- PAM: Why isn't Teeth up for anything? VAGINA DENTATA!!!!
- Alec Baldwin!! Thank you. In your FACE, Shalhoub!
- Renee Zellweger - PAM: Whoa! DAVID: Shit, Renee. PAUL: I love you, Renee, but not like this.
- Megan Fox, I might go gay for her for an hour or so. Angelina, too. PAUL: She looked better on Hope & Faith. I just mentioned Hope & Faith and The View all within a minute.
- Tracy Morgan - fantastic speech. "Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!" Love it.
- PAUL: Pierce Brosnan, please sing for us. EVERYONE: NO!
- P. Diddy gives out an award. PAUL: Oh, f*ck this shit. He and Rumer on the same stage, this is bullshit. DAVID: Why hasn't he been shot yet?
- People, we are up to fart #10. We are at DEFCON FIVE HERE. Paul is not invited to the next awards show viewing.
- It is universally agreed in the room that Tina Fey rules.
- Commercials - PAUL: Does anyone want to tickle my feet? EVERYONE ELSE: [silence] DAVID: I'll tickle your prostate. PAUL: I might poo a little. DAVID: It's nature's lubricant. EVERYONE: Ew!
- Steven Spielberg award = break time. Here's some photos from the night so far:
- The farts, people. I have to sleep in this room tonight. I may die.
- James Franco isn't there? Robbed of the Franco? Dammit. DAVID: Colin Farrell can punch me in the face anytime. The things we could do with that Golden Globe. [whispering] Take off your pants. PAM: He probably has things crawling on him, though. He's been around. DAVID: I don't care - that's why they invited Rit.
- Best Actress, drama - PAM: Angelina Jolie can Changeling into my pants. DAVID: Meryl Streep can get in mine. Mmm. PAUL: She got robbed for Mamma Mia! Winslet with the double - NICE! Yay!
- Susan Sarandon, always has to be poppong those boobs out. Put those away, Sarandon!
- Oh, Darren Aronofsky - please shave that 'stache.
- Mickey Rourke - when you start thanking YOUR DOGS, it is time to get off the stage.
- Commercials - golden shower and "double stuff" conversation ensues. Getting classier, folks.
- Slumdog Millionaire, and we're out. Fart count: eleventy thousand. I can't even.... Here's some more pictures from the rest of the night along with a special Golden Globes viewing edition of The Paul & Pam Show. Goodnight, y'all!
He is biting his toenails, people. NASTY.
Ladies and Gentleman, the Pregnant Transman.
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Paul & Pam Show - Episode 4
My head cold makes me VERY hard to understand. Sorry, y'all!
Paul and I were invited back to be on that local cable access show again last week because they had two people cancel. We got the call to come back and accepted right away. Paul is addicted to the show now and wants to go on every week. This week, we learned that we are now the musical director's favorite guests. I imagine our fondness for going on there looking like total fools may have some part in it. We have SO much fun, though, so it was nice to hear it. This just means Paul will get to go on even more, which thrills him to no end. Anyway, last week's show was to be another Christmas episode, so as is our custom, we found ridiculous outfits and hit the stage. I wasn't sure that we could top Paul's old man ensemble from the first time we went on the show together, or even our Christmas outfits from the week before, but I'm pretty sure that we may have done it. Behold:
I still have to make video clips from all of our appearances on the show, but in the meantime, we were lucky enough to have our pal David record some video clips while he was watching the taping. They show up in the middle of this week's Paul & Pam Show - we are jackasses:
I forgot that Paul wants everyone to guess our ages. Oh boy. Anyway, I will try to get the other clips online at some point, because there are things that you need to see. Seriously. In the meantime, enjoy Paul in his antlers, working his snowman pin.
