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Bar Tuesdays: Season Four - Week Three

Week Three: House of Wu & Captain's Quarters

For week three of this summer's tour we decided to honor season three's Chinese Restaurant mini-tour by doing a one night Chinese Restaurant & After Bar. Also, we heard there was a Chinese restaurant that served different flavors of scorpion bowls, so obviously we were there. Behold, the House of Wu:



There were 5 different flavors of scorpion bowls and in the end I believe the group went with the Mango, Strawberry and Blue Bay flavored bowls. The mango one had a fun name that I wish I could remember - it was something like Wu Tang Mango, but not. In any case, here they are with their giant straws:







After sampling the bowls, Bryan discovered that the mixture of the Blue Bay and Mango bowls combined to make an ultra delicious treat, which led to him drinking from both at the same time for the rest of the night, which Paul joined in shortly thereafter.



Michael and I opted for water and tea:



Or, as the menu liked the call them, the "none alcoholic drinks":



We also could have ordered "chocolates milk." Speaking of the menu, I ordered the extra person for $8.45:



I asked for a cute boy and the waitress denied my request, pointing out that I was with 5 of them myself. BOO!!!! My type of guys are the ones who are probably worth $8.45. I'm just saying, I like them poor. Anyway, the only adventures that happened at the House of Wu all took place in the bathrooms. First, I went into the ladies room which was so tiny that you had to close the door in order to open the stall door. The stall then happened to be as big as my thumb. After some acrobatic moves trying to pee in that small space, I came out to wash my hands and found this sign next to the sink:



I highlighted the part that immediately jumped out at me. ...Really? I...what...this is a mass-produced sign - are there THAT many food service workers that spend that much time with live animals that it needs to be listed on a bathroom sign? I think I'll be eating in for a little while. That sign was my excitement in the bathroom, but that's nothing compared to Paul's experience.

Sorry, Paul - I have to tell it.

Towards the end of our meal, Paul announced that he couldn't wait any longer and had to "take a House of Wu Poo." He re-emerged from the bathroom a little too soon and sat down at the table all red-faced and announced, "The cook just walked in on me taking a shit." He was MORTIFIED. Apparently, he locked the door but it still turned when the cook walked in. He said there was no stall, just a little half-wall separating the urinal from the toilet and the cook kept walking when he came in as if he was still going to pee. Then he must have noticed Paul's shocked face and just said, "Oh, so sorry," and slinked out. Paul was SO embarrassed, and we are kind people after all, so we offered our support: "Did he ask if you were almost done with the pu pu platter?" "Did he think you were the extra person I ordered?" "Did he scare the shit out of you?"

After the bathroom debacle, we decided it best to make our exit, but not before pausing outside to pose on the random God Bless America-engraved bench:



And then sweetly and inappropriately on the filthy bench in the side parking lot:





Wow, I wish I could blame some of the things that I do on alcohol. CLASSY.

After we left the House of Wu, we went down the street to a neighborhood that we thought would have some good bars. We wandered up and down the main street to where we thought some bars had been, but all we found were empty storefronts. Then, around the corner we spotted a telltale neon glow in a tiny window. It wasn't the bar we were looking for, but when we walked in, we realized it was the only one we needed. Hello, Captain's Quarters:



The bar was located below and old hotel that used to rent rooms by the hour, so you know it was our kind of place. Also, we walked in and saw these shelves on the wall:



That was all I needed to see to put my purse down and settle in. And people, Captain's Quarters was awesome. The bartender was super nice and came and sat right down with us. There were only about 3 people in the bar section and the whole game room was empty, so we went in there to take advantage of the free pool. That, and the boxing video game:



Who needs a Golden Tee when you can punch things really hard? NO ONE. Also, about four minutes after we sat down the bartender came in and said she would turn on the jukebox for us if we wanted. Lady, have you met us? Turn that shit ON. We had some interesting choices that night, ending with a rousing rendition of Private Dancer at the end of the night that had Paul, Bryan and I singing really loudly in our best Tina Turner voices and driving David and Michael outside in a "We don't know them!" frenzy. Come on guys, it's effing Private Dancer. You HAVE to. "All the men come in these places," indeed.

Before we drove them out of the bar, we spent the night playing pool, dancing our asses off, punching that video game bag, and in some cases, gambling:





I also made sure to stay far away from the men's room as it made matters QUITE clear:



I'm sorry, but do a lot of women want to use the men's room with the urinal cakes and all? Gross.
We started taking some sweet and fun pictures:





And then David grabbed the camera and the fun began. It had been a while, so it was time for a proper Bar Tuesdays photo shoot. We normally do the "What's Fun Outside The Bar?" shoots, but in this case the only thing fun outside of the bar is probably murder, so we did most of the pictures inside. So without further ado, I present to you the Captain's Quarters Photo Shoot. David got all fancy with some, like the one of my soda, but I think this is my favorite shot of the bunch:



Oh photo shoots, how I have missed you.

In the end, we had a really fun night, even if the cook did walk in on Paul taking a dump. By the time he was singing, "American Express will do nicely, thank you," he had forgotten all about it. That's the magic of Bar Tuesdays. And vodka.

See you next week!

You Can Dress Us Up....

But as Paul and I proved recently, you still can't take us anywhere. But we'll get to that.

First - sorry I am so late with these posts. There have been Things to update about, but there has not been Time. My bad. The Idol thoughts and NYC adventures will be coming, but first, let's do this one.

Anyhoodle - Paul and I recently attended a charity event to benefit the American Heart Association's Wear Red campaign for heart health awareness for women. We were asked to dress semi-formal and to try to wear something red, even if it was just an accessory (Check us out on the red carpet!) . The event was sponsored by our local country music station and it featured 4 acoustic sets by country singers Dean Brody, Jason Michael Carroll, Jamie O'Neal and Jessica Andrews. I wasn't familiar with the guys, but I love both of those ladies so we decided to get ourselves some tickets. The tickets for the concert itself were only $9.85, but they were also offering a pre-show VIP reception for $35 a ticket with free champagne and appetizers as well as meet-and-greets with all of the singers. All of the proceeds were going to the charity, and you KNOW Paul and I love to roll VIP, so we were so in for that reception. Yay, classy Pam and Paul:



As soon as we got there, Paul headed straight for the bar, but moments later the singers all came into the room. Most of the guests hadn't arrived yet, so Paul and I made a beeline over to the two ladies so I could meet them and then we could focus on the free champagne and eats. We ended up second in line to meet Jamie O'Neal and if you guys have never heard her song There Is No Arizona, you should give it a listen. It was her first single and made me a fan instantly. Anyway, she was nice and looked very much like a country singer:



After that, we headed over to see Jessica, who ranks as one of my favorite country singers. She hasn't had an album in quite some time, so I was excited to hear that one should be released this summer. Some of you may know her from Who I Am, which was her big hit, among a number of others. (Sing it with me now, country fans: "I am Rosemary's granddaughter....") Pop culture people may know her from the song Show Me Heaven, which was on one of the Dawson's Creek soundtracks. In any case, she was super-cute and really nice and tore it up during the concert. Here we are with Miss Andrews:





After that, the room started to fill and Paul and I decided to kick back and enjoy the free champagne and the FANTASTIC people watching. We especially enjoyed this gentleman's tapestry vest/tie combo:



There were some hot messes there, especially this older couple who decided to stand right near me and Paul and start dry humping against the wall. Paul swears he was trying to eat her face off. It was disgusting. Throughout all of this, Paul and I were also watching that Jason Michael Carroll character because he was a quite fascinating fellow. He looked quite grungy and not really country. Also? He looked shady. That's when I announced to Paul, "Well, now we have to go have our picture taken with him because he looks like such a creep." Paul agreed so we got in line and decided to introduce ourselves as Bart and Stella. We also both secretly threw up the pointers just as the photo was about to be taken:



After the picture, he chatted us up while he was signing an autograph and he was SUPER nice and really cool. Paul and I then felt bad for being assholes for about 15 seconds, but it passed. Since we waited in line for him, we decided to just go and meet the other guy as well. This decision also may have had something to do with the fact that Dean Brody is hot as HELL, people. You can't tell it from the picture we got with him, but this guy has got ice blue eyes, dark hair and a kickass body. Mama liked. Here he is from a promo shot I found:



Mmmm.... And here we are with him:



As with the other folks, he was also really nice, especially when he stopped mid-autograph and asked if it was okay that he was making it out to both of us. I said, "That's fine, it's going to be under my pillow tonight anyway." Paul's response? A horrified, "You're a creep." Dean Brody's response? A goofy, "Awesome." Awesome, indeed. Paul was still reeling from me petting the head of the Marine who was standing in front of us in line anyway. What was I to do? It was so fuzzy and inviting!

After the reception, we made our way to the room where the concert was going to be, where I just chilled:



And Paul went straight to the place where he would be found multiple times throughout the night:



We watched both of the ladies perform and a little bit of Dean Brody's set, but our feet hurt and we were hungry so we went off in search of food during Jason's set. On our way back, we noticed some fun things around the hotel where the event was being held and thought they would make perfect props for an impromptu photo shoot. Of course, as with us, things started off relatively normal:



...but then veered very quickly into inappropriate:



You can see how classy we are in the rest of the photo shoot as well as a new Paul & Pam Show from the event after the jump!

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three 1/2 - Week Two

We're BACK! Bar Tuesdays are so rare during the winter months, but we knew we had to get together for a very special Bar Tuesday this week when we got word from our favorite bartender Norma that she was having a birthday party for herself at our favorite bar, Ye Olde Boulevard. We decided that we would make the night even more special by also making it our Holiday Bar Tuesday. When we got there, we found the bar decorated properly:



Do you notice something else about that picture? Look at all of those people there! We walked in and were all, "Who are these people? Get out of our bar!" But then again, we were celebrating Norma, so of course the place would be packed. We're just used to there being 2 other people in the bar besides us so we can have Norma to ourselves. Norma had a whole spread of homemade Italian food set up, and there was even karaoke for the occasion, which you know we took full advantage of. However, since it was so crowded, we had to set up shop upstairs for most of the night, which was okay with us. It gave us a good view over all of the festivities - and plus, you KNOW we always roll VIP at the dive bars.

Anyway, we had a good crew that night and just kicked back, celebrated and caught up. Oh, and people kept trying to lick my face in photos. Ah, it was good to be back together again:















This week also marked a special return appearance by world famous sock monkey Tim, who fit right in:





Aw, the two Ts.

Well, he did fit in until he started drinking heavily and then rambling on like a crazy drunk sock:





We finally got him under control as the party wore down and people started clearing out of the bar. This is when we probably should have A) left the bar as well or B) controlled ourselves like the sock. Instead, we decided it would be a good time for a holiday photo shoot with all of the fun and festive decorations. Yay! There's only two other people in the bar, let's have a photo shoot! Yay! Let's watch for Santa:



And sit by the fire!



I'm not sure at what point the photo shoot veered off in another direction, but all I know is that it turned wildly inappropriate. I believe the turning point happened shortly before three of us ended up partially clothed in the bar (er...hi, Mom!), including one of us standing there with his pants around his ankles. The photo shoot also led to a picture involving Paul, a urinal and his ass that I have tried to erase from my brain ever since I saw it. I told him I wouldn't post it, but he was all for it. People, you have been warned. If you still want to see the photo shoot, click here to see it - skip the last photo if you don't want to be scarred for life. Oh, Paul. And if you did dare to glance at the pics (hi, Pam's boobs!), maybe this soothing snow shot from when we were leaving the bar will help to ease your soul after seeing Paul's ass:



Happy Holidays from the Bar Tuesdays Crew, y'all. Now go buy your sock monkey a beer.

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three 1/2 - Week One

Oh, the fall and winter months - how we stay home most weeknights to keep warm and/or watch TV. Thus, welcome to our Fall/Winter Season of Bar Tuesdays, aka the time when we try to have a bar night about once a month. We started things off right with a visit to a bar we had been to once before and loved, the GCB. It’s the Graduate Center Bar at Brown University, and while it is not a dive bar, it is an awesome bar. For one thing, it's underground in an old nuclear fallout shelter, which is reason enough to go right there. It’s also a members-only bar, and you know the name “Bar Tuesdays” can get us in anywhere. Their mixed drinks are also $3. Now THAT is what the Bar Tuesday crew likes to hear. The whole underground fallout shelter thing is fun and all, but the real best part about the GCB is the person who bartends there sometimes during the week:


Oh yes, that would be our favorite bartender in the whole world, the one and only Norma. While she's not serving up booze and drink-shaker microphones at Ye Olde Boulevard, she is moonlighting over at the GCB. The bar itself is made up of four rooms: the large main bar and then a pool table room, a darts room and a general game room that has a giant TV, leather couches and board games and a Playstation. Plus, you see this when you first walk in:



Y'all? The GCB rules.

We spent the beginning of our night playing darts, where Tommy and I dominated.





Aside from the dartboards and a table with chess and checkerboards on it, the dart room also has some fun pictures above the booths:



The Professor fell in love with the picture of a guy in a Cap'n Crunch costume:



While Paul earned a stern "Oh my God, get out of here right now. You need to leave!" from me when I commented on the awesomeness of this picture and he asked, "Who is that?":



When I told him that it was Green Day, he just said that he didn't really know what they looked like, but thankfully he knew who they were. But still - he didn't know that was them? Oh, my 14-year crush on Billie Joe Armstrong is aching my little heart right now.

Anyway, after we finished up our games of darts, we headed back into the main bar, which was filling up. We're not used to such busy places on bar nights. What was this whole other patrons thing about? Of course, we blended RIGHT in and didn't stand out at ALL when Paul started singing along quite loudly to Hey Mama by the Black Eyed Peas. Some of us *ahem* may have gotten up and started dancing with him, too. And I'm sure no one noticed Tommy showing off his flexibility:



Or 3 of us trying to follow suit:



But hey, we were having a good time. Maybe we had some drinks. And blondies. Lots and lots of blondies, courtesy of Manda and her new kickass shoes:



Blondies + alcohol + good friends = lots of love. See?:









Love is all around. We even had Brent's love for his new outfit that he bought that day:



You see why he was voted Best Dressed of the crew?

In addition to each other, booze, shoes and clothes, we also developed a great love for the bathrooms in the GCB because they have comic book stuff going on in them. I took this picture during our original trip to the GCB this summer:



That picture is right above the toilet in the ladies room. In fact, it has comic book tiles scattered all over the walls in the bathroom. I love it. The ladies room also has dirty magnetic poetry and a really comfortable bench. When we first got to the bar the other night, there weren't many people there yet, so I took The Professor into the bathroom to show him the tiles. I asked him to check out the men's room to see if it had the same, and when he went in and saw that the coast was clear, he waved me in. When I first went inside, all I saw were blank white walls above the urinals and was very disappointed. However, when I turned to my right, there stood this bright red stall COVERED in comic book pages. Look at how awesome:



The Professor and I were in there laughing and oohing and aahing over everything and taking pictures and then I happened to look down and catch a glimpse of a pair of feet inside the stall. I quickly ushered him outside and started laughing my head off. Sorry, guy in the bathroom who was trying to do his business in peace until a couple of yahoos came in and started taking pictures!

As the night wound down, we ventured into the game room for a few rounds of Dirty Scattergories and Last Call Toasts:





I love that the TV behind us is tuned to TMZ. Anyway, after we finished the game, we made our way back into the main bar to hang with Norma for a little while before close. She had made some pulled pork for the pool teams that were in earlier and there was still some left, so a few of the crew members were more than happy to finish off the leftovers.





I love the framed napkin art on the wall behind Tommy.

As the night drew to a close, some of us spent time winding down from all of the excitement (booze):



While others...well, yeah:



I have yet to see Paul get tired from drinking. He's always the opposite end of the spectrum.

Anyway, lest you think we forgot, we did manage to sneak in a small photo shoot throughout the evening, complete with my now-standard mini-bathroom shoot with Manda. We took pictures both inside:



And outside:



And the answer to this week's "What Non-Sexy Item is Pam straddling?" would be a giant trash container. HOT.

Click here to see the whole photo shoot. We are as classy as ever.

Thrift Store Shopping Fun

So Paul and I are going to be performers on a public access karaoke show in Massachusetts tomorrow night and we decided that it would be fun to "dress" for the occasion. Paul wanted to really make an impression, so we went to Savers, a local secondhand store to find some costumes...er, I mean outfits. (we may buy all of our costumes for plays there.) Since I had a skirt from a previous play to wear, I just ended up with some footless tights that I feel funny even wearing in my house. Check it:



Is that skirt ridiculous or what? I've decided that I can't wear them both - that would just be TOO much. In the words of my mother, "You look like straight up trailer park trash." We want to be over-the-top, but not then sail down the other side of the mountain. While we were at the thrift shop, The Professor became obsessed with these ridiculous old man amber glasses that he just HAD to have:



"They're Luxotica frames for $1.99!" "But you can't see out of them - they're so blurry!" "At least I'll look like this when I'm puking from them." Seriously, it is like Mr. Magoo sold them to the thrift shop. But he loves them.

And Paul? Well, he found this ensemble:



So when you're dressed like morons, what better activity is there to do than an impromptu photo shoot? Nothing, I say.
So with that, I give you our Ridiculous Thrift Store Outfits Photo Shoot. Enjoy:





















I cannot wait until tomorrow night. And fear not, there will be video. But the looming question remains - should I wear the glasses?

Bar Tuesdays: Season 3 - Week Eleven

This week we ventured back to one of our favorite Season One bars, the ol’ Bottom Line, aka “Roadhouse.”



Happily, it still held up as a fantastic dive bar, with ridiculously cheap and strong drinks. Vodka tonics that were mostly vodka? $3. Towards the end of the night, the bartender had run out of regular-sized glasses so some of us ended up with even larger drinks for the same price. Oh, Bottom Line – you rule in so many ways. One of which may be the inclusion of a certain item on your food menu:



I am SO curious and yet terrified to know what exactly a chicken figure is. Or this “becon” that is being served on the chicken filet sandwich. Sadly, the kitchen is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, so we weren’t able to find out the answers to such mysteries. I think that’s best. Instead, the bartender came over at one point with a takeout menu to the classy Season One bar down the street and offered to get us something since she was ordering in. Brent took advantage of the offer and got himself some potato skins.



3 hours later, a drunken Paul finished off the last one:



Ew.

Anyway, the rest of the bar was just as great as we remembered. There were curious trophies:



I really hope those are for pool-playing.

And this awesome chair, in front of an even better sign warning people away from the evils of nasty local Narragansett beer:



Why would you even keep that chair in the bar? Trash that! Maybe the chair is secretly worth a lot of money, which would explain the security cameras we saw all over the place:



There were at least 4 of them that we could see. The big question from all of us was, “For what?” Perhaps Manda’s treats – she has become quite the popular lady recently whenever we see her come in carrying a bag of goodies. First it was cookies, then strawberry nut bread, and this week it was banana bread. Ryan was such a fan of her strawberry nut bread last week that as soon as he heard the word “bread,” he wheeled around to see what was being offered this time:



Bread? What??

Paul was eating his heart out, which may not have been a good thing since he announced as soon as we got there that he had to “take a Bottom Line shit.” However, if you checked out the recap from last year, you will see how nasty the men’s bathroom is there, and this time it was no different. Paul actually went in there and came right back out, saying that it was too gross in there for him to even do it. Now people – Paul will shit pretty much ANYWHERE. For him to say it is too gross for him to do his thing is pretty bad. He actually considered just going outside in the surrounding woods. That bathroom has got to be pretty bad. (His second choice was the dumpster, which he got into for the photo shoot, but we all begged him not to, so he didn’t. He actually ended up having to brave the bathroom later and Brent couldn’t get out of there fast enough as he was caught peeing at the time. “Bad things are happening in there.” HA! And Paul, we love you - just please stop farting in my car.)

On the other side of things, Manda and I can attest to the fact that the ladies room seems to be no better. This is the place where I almost fell through the floor last year. It smells like mothballs so bad in there, and there are missing tiles and random pieces of wood nailed up all over the place:



Oh yes, and then there was the matter of the DEAD FLY on top of one of the toilets:



As awesome as the Bottom Line is in every other way, it still has the nastiest bathrooms we have experienced at any of the bars we have been to. Happily, it still has an awesome jukebox:



I don’t know who was using it before me, but I ended up with about 11 credits more than I should have had, so we may have gone a little nuts with out selections. I started with Daybreak by Barry Manilow just because I thought it was awesome that a jukebox in a bar like that would have Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits album on it. I chose that particular song in honor of one of the greatest movies ever made, Serial Mom. Of course, when it actually started playing, even I was embarrassed by my selection. But it was the first one I played, so I just blamed it on the person before me. It was that person’s last song, I swear. Of course, I was embarrassed by that, but not this one?



I don’t want to say who was responsible for that selection, but it may have been one of these people:



Probably both. Surprisingly, The Chipmunk Song went over quite well. Many people were singing along. That Alvin – he brings people together. And we totally need to play more Christmas music when we go to the bars. Of course, we did play some regular songs as well. My Humps even got some of us up and showing off our finest “ridiculous look-at-me-being-all-grindy” dance faces:



But most of the time, we stayed in our seats and just enjoyed the tunes, the cheap drinks, and hanging out with each other:









The birthday boys of this weekend!

Of course, we did venture out of our seats for more than just the bathroom and the dancing. There was the matter of this week’s photo shoot. At first, we thought that there wasn’t going to be one because there isn’t much outside the front of the bar. It’s in the middle of a neighborhood down a residential street, so the only thing around the front of it and next door are woods and a house. But THEN – oh, but then Manda and Paul ventured out to the back smoker’s patio and Manda came back in to inform me that there was a wheelchair in the back. That’s all I needed to hear to get me out of my seat.



The back patio had enough great stuff, but then we went out into the backyard and hit the photo shoot jackpot. Horseshoe pits, TWO old shacks, piles of logs, etc. It was like magic. Click here to see the whole photo shoot in all of its glory (with some added bathroom shots at the end that Manda and I grabbed for as long as we could stand it in there. She was quite sad to find a tiny plunger in there.). Here’s a little sampling of what’s in there to whet your appetite:






Quote of the photo shoot: DAVID: “Hurry up and pose, it smells like piss out here.” True story. Oh, and the answer to this week's "What non-sexy item is Pam straddling?" = a horseshoe stake.

Paul’s favorite discovery of the night may have been that old wheelchair, because later on after most of us had left, he decided to bring it into the bar and spend the rest of the night in it. Manda sent me these pictures the next morning:





They ended up staying until close and Manda told me that when they were in the parking lot, a drunken patron rode up on his bike to marvel at the fact that Paul was up and walking around. It’s a miracle!!! Then he rambled on to them for a while before kicking up some dust and riding away on his ten-speed.

I know I’ve said this before, but the Bottom Line RULES.

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three - Week Nine

This week's stop? Murray's Pub:





We first heard about Murray's when they befriended us on our MySpace Page. The screen name for the bar's page is gloriously seedy, so we knew we had to make Murray's a stop on our tour. (The best part? They sent out a bulletin telling people that Bar Tuesdays was coming! Awesome.) Even though the outside of the bar is a little sketchy looking, the inside wasn't bad at all. There were shamrocks and green lights everywhere and everyone was friendly. Hell, there were even fake flowers all over the joint:





Who's swanky now, Rosie's? They also had a very interesting menu:



As the various members of the crew arrived, almost every one of them asked, "Who is trying the liver and onions?" The answer: no one. We may be jackasses sometimes, but we're not dumbasses. Manda and I are still curious about what exactly a "Cachupa" is (Frito: "El chupacabra?"), but we'll let that mystery live on.

We ended up with a big crew of 13 people this week, including some Bar Tuesday virgins, such as Manda's brother (in the middle):



Our buddy Val (who complained about us making her laugh too much):



And Lucy's husband, Mike:



Where better to enjoy newlywed love than at a seedy bar? NOWHERE, I TELL YOU.

As always, there were laughs and good times all around all night:













That's Paul showing off his new Carrie Underwood keychain to Manda. Oh, Paul.

We also engaged in some of our classic "we are classy" conversations, such as one involving someone asking one of our gay crew members if he could teach the guy's wife how to give a really good blow job.

At one point, I wandered into the back pool table room to hit the bathroom and discovered one of the greatest things I have ever seen in my life just waiting for me in the stall. Behold, the world's longest-handled plunger:



What the heck? It was awesome. When I went to get Manda to show her this discovery, she was eager to tell me about the other strange thing that I noticed when I walked into the bathroom - an old office chair:



This, of course, led to this week's mini-indoor photo shoot (the bar is in the middle of a neighborhood, so there was nothing fun around for an outdoor shoot this week). Since the entire bathroom was about the size of a handicapped stall, we didn't have much room to do much, so it's only a small photo shoot. But seriously, you can't go wrong with an office chair and a giant plunger, especially when they lead to genius shots such as this:



That is my new favorite Photo Shoot shot. To see the rest of the shoot, click here.

That picture is a great introduction into what we did the rest of the night at Murray's, which was some karaoke. We made this week a Wednesday night bar night as well to take advantage of the Wednesday-Sunday night karaoke at Murray's. Luckily, we picked a night that didn't have too many singers, so we were able to rock the mic all night long. And you know a karaoke night is going to be interesting when Paul STARTS things off with his signature Fergalicious, or as he was singing in parts the other night, Paulielicious:



My favorite part of the video is just after the break when Paul starts the rap - watch the local at the bar turn around and look at him all, "WTF?!" Love it. After that, every time it was his turn to sing, the karaoke DJ would announce, "It's Paulie time!" That is truly one of my favorite times.

In terms of the rest of us, since Murray's seemed like more of a rocker crowd, we tried to oblige them with many of our songs throughout the night. Here's a clip montage of some of the crew (and you can see us this time!):



Sadly, I had to leave before getting to see Manda pop her karaoke cherry late in the night with some Danzig. I need to see that done again.

Happily, I was still there when Frito emerged from the men's room and said, "You need to record some of the words of wisdom from the bathroom wall." Apparently, above the urinal (and below the stained wall) there were some classic sentiments scrawled on the wall, such as: "Poop tastes good," along with the witty retort, "So does your mom's poop," "Slayer Rules," and my absolute favorite, and the thing that instantly made me want to return to Murray's again, "John Tesh is an alien." WHO writes that on a bathroom wall? I asked my mother this question and she said, "It sounds like something you would write." It just sounds brilliant to me. Whoever wrote that clearly needs to call me.

And with that, another Bar Tuesday comes to a close. I mean, really, where else can you go from "John Tesh is an alien"? Anything after that will pale in comparison. But all in all, we had a great time as always, and Murray's made the "we'll have to go back there" list. Even if it's just to visit that awesome plunger.

Bagheads: The Photo Shoot

Last night I got together with David, T and Bryan to watch The Orphanage, a Spanish horror film from last year. I had never heard of it before seeing a picture from it last week, and that picture alone was enough to make me shoot that puppy right to the top of my Netflix DVD queue. I didn't really want to know much more going into it - I like to be fresh when I watch some movies. This one was definitely one of them. All I knew was that it was about a haunted old orphanage and that it featured a creepy kid with a scarecrow-like sack over his head. Any horror movie that features creepy children, dolls or clowns is something I will always be down for. And really, look at the picture I saw that made me want to check out The Orphanage:



Isn't that kid awesome?? I love it. (Sadly, he was only in the movie briefly in about three scenes. We spent most of the rest of the time yelling, "Where is the sackhead?" and then making unfortunate jokes about sacs and little boys.)

In honor of our viewing of the movie, David suggested that we get together a little early and make our own evil bags to wear over our heads and then take pictures of us in them. You don't have to ask me twice when an invitation like that comes along. I think we all assumed that we'd just take a couple of pictures, but once we started, we couldn't stop laughing so then we kept going and then mayhem ensued. I am still laughing about some of them. But first, here are the Baghead players:









Oh, Bagheads. You know, they're just like normal folks, sort of like the celebrities in US Magazine's 'Stars! They're Just Like Us!' feature. For example, Bagheads do laundry:



They go to the bathroom just like everyone else:



They even read Martha Stewart magazines:



And drive cars:



But they also do so, so much more. We took a bunch more pictures but I didn't want to fill up my whole page with Baghead pictures, so I decided to put them all on the next page. Click below to see the whole photo shoot - it rules.

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three - Week Seven

This week we completed our 4 week mini-tour of Chinese restaurants & bonus after-bars. The Chinese restaurant that was on tap for this week was a place that none of us had ever been to, but had gotten delivery from before. Imagine our surprise when we arrived and the place was without a bar.

Paul, to the hostess: "Do you not serve alcohol here?"

Hostess: No, we don't serve alcohol.

Paul: Okay, bye.

What kind of Chinese restaurant doesn't serve booze? Isn't that something they are known for with their awesome drink names and descriptions? That's the fun of the whole menu! (A great way to start a hangover, It will earase all memories, Remember where you are, etc.) Thankfully, my favorite local Chinese restaurant is right down the street, so we headed there as I knew they had a bar. The place isn't seedy at all, but that's okay, as Paul determined that they were serving up the best Volcanos/Scorpion Bowls yet:

Brent didn't get the Scorpion Bowl this week, choosing instead to order whatever came in this awesome drinking glass:

Turns out it was some kind of pineapple concoction that gave him a nice little buzz. Since I cannot handle the power of the Chinese restaurant drinks, I opted for the nice and safe (weak, please!) Midori Sour, which, as you can see, Paul clearly thinks I am a total pussy for getting:

But hey, at least I got alcohol this time and not a root beer float like last time. (Which I probably would have totally gotten if it had been on the menu, but there was nothing fun and random like that on this menu.)

Once the drinks started hitting, the three of us started getting really silly. Brent was asking us if we had seen the commercials by this T. Boone Pickens character about his big energy plan, which led to a discussion ending with Paul saying about Al Gore, "I need to see his little movie." I don't know why we found that comment so amusing (answer: alcohol), but Brent and I were laughing our heads off. I told Paul that he was making it sound like An Incovenient Truth was an animated short or something. Just a nice "little movie" about the dangers of global warming, all in claymation! How fun!

Later, I was telling Paul about one of my friends calling me at work earlier that day to tell me that my new hairdo looks Asian, which I didn't really see. I just thought it was funky looking with its angles and different-length sides.

Eh, you can't really tell in that picture. Anyway, so I then pointed up to a calendar that was hanging up at the bar that featured this cute Chinese woman who was sporting the same hairstyle as me. It's true! I have Asian hair! Which is fine by me, since Asians are fierce beasts, but the best part occurred a few minutes later when I realized that the guy who owns the restaurant wasn't there. It's the first time that I've ever been there when he wasn't there. The really fun bartender was telling us that she tries to get him to take a little bit of time off, so he's generally not there on Tuesdays. But right then, he showed up to drop some things off. Paul and Brent had ordered food, and I only had the drink, but I was picking a little off of Paul's plate. The bartender came over and whispered to me that the (50-ish Chinese) owner had his eye on me. I thought I was getting into trouble because I was sampling Paul's meal, so I asked her if it was because I didn't have a plate. She then casually re-iterated that he had his eye on me (with the whole side-mouth ventriloquist thing going on since he was standing right nearby) and I blurted out, "In a sexual way??" Just call me Queen Inconspicuous, people. When the owner went outside, she came back over and said that he thought I was cute. She left a few minutes later to head home and the owner took over, becoming very attentive. He even brought us a free plate of chopped pineapples for dessert and placed it right in front of me. I just threw my arms in the air and announced to Paul, "Asian hair!" His response? "You'd better hook that shit up so I can get free Scorpion bowls." Paul, always having his priorities in order.

After we were done at the restaurant, we walked down the street to head over to meet Manda at one of our favorite bars from our Fall/Winter mini-season, The Greenwich Hotel. As some of you may recall, this was the home of our very first Bar Tuesdays Photo Shoot, which featured pictures of us in the game room posing with a cigarette in the random velvet armchair as well as pictures of us playing around in the hotel part of the bar, entitled "Working Stiffs: Our Jobs at the Hotel." Since we have started the new "What's Fun Outside the Bar?" photo shoot feature this season, we decided to pay homage to our inaugural photo shoot night and recreate some of the magic. So, in addition to our "What's Fun Outside the Bar?" photo shoot this week, we also have 3 more "chapters" in the shoot, the velvet armchair/cigarette series, the "our jobs at the hotel" series, and a new one I like to call "Angry Payphone Calls." Click here to see them all. Here's a sampling of what's in store this week:

I just love that the hotel has an old school switchboard like that. The hotel area of it was all changed around, with the desk we were playing at last time replaced by a bench. Boo! We want to rifle through the mail and time cards! As far as the bar itself, it was open mic night again, so we couldn't get to the jukebox. We stayed away from any edible items this time and just stuck with the beverages. We spent most of the night in the padded-wall game room, which is where it's at anyway. After about an hour, we couldn't take the lack of air conditioning in the place (it was a hot and humid night), so we headed out. On our way out, Paul made a stop in the men's room and stuck his head out of the door a minute later to call me in there. I was hesitant at first, because you never know what Paul has been up to in the bathroom (it is usually never something good), but when he said I had to take a picture of something, I headed in. I don't know why I didn't just sent Brent in with my camera, but hey - there I went into the men's room to take a picture of Paul splayed out on a giant shelf that is in there:

Awesome. Every bathroom should have a shelf. Also awesome? Paul not showing off his junk when he is kicking his legs up in shorts like he may have inadvertently done in a photo a couple of weeks ago. The image still haunts me. [shudder]

Next week: We move to Wednesdays for 2 weeks to take advantage of some karaoke nights. This oughta be something. Fear not, video clips will be taken.

Bar Tuesdays: Season Three - Week Five

Welcome to week two of the 3-week mini-tour of Chinese Restaurants & bonus after-bars. This week we started things off at Eastern Star, which is under construction and looking FANTASTIC in the process:

Seriously, do places really look that shitty during remodeling? My local supermarket just revamped and had those little 'Pardon Our Appearance While We Remodel' signs everywhere, but it still looked fine everywhere. This place didn't even have the common courtesy to pardon its appearance. Consider me offended.

Well, not really, as the place was fine inside. Clean and mostly unremarkable - it was actually rather boring. We were the only people there, so we didn't even have any lovable locals to people watch. So what is there to do when you're the only people in a Chinese restaurant and need some entertainment? Why, order up some Scorpion Bowls, of course:

For some reason, the restaurant wouldn't let one person order a large Scorpion Bowl - only a small one, so there were no shots from the middle. You could, however, have two small Scorpion Bowls, which made no sense. In any case, I steered clear and felt the need to order a Shirley Temple because it was listed as one of the four non-alcoholic drink choices in the menu. Awesome.

Once some of the alcohol started to hit, some of our trademark Classy Bar Tuesday Conversations started to take place (after Paul used his straw to suck out the middle of one of his crab rangoons). Here's a snippet from one of the delightful dinner talk conversations that took place:

Person 1: I used to pee myself all the time at school because my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom.

Person 2: Where did that come from? We were just talking about NOTHING that had to do with peeing yourself.

Person 1: I don't know, I just thought of it.

Person 3: I shit myself at a sleepover once.

Person 2: And at the Showcase Cinemas.

Person 3: True story.

I figured I would keep the speakers anonymous since I was feeling charitable tonight, but I'll give you a small hint - these people were not involved in the conversation:

Moving on. After they had finished their Scorpion Bowls, Frito and Paul wanted to try out some different drinks. Frito decided to order the most racially-insensitive named drink on the menu and went with the 'Almond Eye.' Really, Eastern Star? I've never seen that drink on a menu before. Paul opted for the more popular but less tasty 'Fog Cutter':

PAUL: Now that is cutting some fog right there.

P.S. He still drank the whole thing. AND cut some fog. And then stole the glass because the waitress was mean to him. "I'm so glad I started stealing things at Bar Tuesday again." We're so proud of you, Paul:

Why is Paul wearing a Burger King crown? Because we headed over to Season One Bar Saratoga afterwards, aka The Bar in the Back of a Burger King Parking Lot.

There were actually some changes to Saratoga since we were there last summer - it now had a pool table and a big-screen TV on one end. When Bryan saw the TV, he astutely pointed out that it was probably worth more than the building. We came in right at the end of the Red Sox game, so when that was over, the bartender (not Danny Aiello) gave us the remote control to watch whatever we wanted since no one could get the jukebox to accept any money. Lucky for us, it still had credits in it when we got there, so Frito and I were able to play 3 songs, the last of which was a random joke because we didn't know about the no-money-taking thing at the time, so we just assumed we'd throw in a fun free song and then start up with the real stuff. Well, the joke was on us since the last song we are going to be known for regaling the three other people in the bar outside of our group with was the old school Cool It Now, by New Edition. I LOVE that song, but I don't think I would rank it high on my list of Songs That Should Be Played In A Bar. The really sad thing about all of it is that Frito and I were the only ones in the Bar Tuesday crew that knew the song. How do people not know that song? IT'S A CLASSIC, PEOPLE. "Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike - if I love the girl, who cares who you like?" Seriously, give little Ralph Tresvant a break. He did grow up to be a Stone Cold Gentleman, after all. Frito was also looking at Mr. Telephone Man (Awesome) and Candy Girl, but Cool It Now just slightly edges out Mr. Telephone Man because of the rap. Boys, watch this and learn of the wonders of New Edition.

Since we had no jukebox to entertain us, we ended up settling on the finale of A Shot At Love 2, which sucked Paul right in:

Most of us have been watching the show anyway, so it sucked us all in. I believe it was Paul who yelled, "You WHORE!" when Tila eliminated Bo, and I know it was all of us who screamed, "HAAAA!" when Kristy turned down Tila's key to her heart. Then there was the "OH!" when the panty-shot of Kristy in the limo came on. "White panties with a black dress? What is she doing?" What is she doing, indeed.

Before we got sucked into Tila, we played some pool:

And Frito and I headed over to Burger King, where we were met with the odd new menu item or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese:

WTF? I went the safe route and chowed down on the new, delicious Cookie Dough Pie:

Have you guys had that yet? It's insane. It's not as good as the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Pie, but it's close. Now I want one. No, really - I may need to jump in my car and go get one. But before I do, let's get to this week's Photo Shoot installment of What's Fun Outside The Bar? All I will say is that an alleyway across the street led us to a KFC parking lot. Oh, and a skunk was coming for me and Paul until I chased it away. First raccoons and now skunks - what will chase us next? Whatever it is, it will probably be found in the animal trap that was set up in the "patio" area behind the bar:

I believe the sign of any nice establishment is a large animal trap on the premises. Anyway, here's my favorite picture from the photo shoot:

Now go see the rest and play the new game of "What non-sexy object is Pam straddling this week?" (Previous objects have included a giant car vacuum and brass lion.)

Now, I'm off to get me some pie, but not before I leave you with the wondrous last image I had from last night's Full Moon Bar Tuesday:

Next Week: Frito's Birthday Bar Tuesday at one of our favorites....