Live blogs, how I have missed you. This one should be interesting tonight because my family is here watching with me and they're always good for some comments. When you've been stuck inside all day because of a hurricane, what better way is there to end the day than some good ol' MTV Video Music Awards? We're starting early with the pre-show and there are already many choruses of, "Who is that?" I feel like this will be a trend tonight. Right now it's my dad and brother with me, but the moms will probably be popping in every now and then. I'll be updating every 10 minutes or so, so keep checking in and sharing your comments. Shall we do this?
*First, let me disclose that my father is a 'tween trapped in a 65 year-old's body, so those are the only performers he will know.
PRE-SHOW:
Dad: That's Selena Gomez!
Bro: Who's with her?
Me: I think it's Demi Lovato. Dad?
Dad: (looking up) Yes.
- Dad: Who's that? Are they lip-singing? (Lip-"singing" - gotta love Dad.)
- Taylor Lautner is being interviewed. Dad: Who's that? Is he the vampire?
- Tyler the Creator? What is that? Is that a thing?
- Dad: What the hell does Kim Kardashian do?
- Biebs - Bro: He looks like a woman! Dad: That's not Justin Bieber. Us: Yes, it is. He's a total lesbian.
- Nicki Minaj - Is there a SARS outbreak? What's up with the mask?
Dad: What the hell is wrong with her? How can anybody watch this? (Meanwhile, he's transfixed.)
- Dad: Miley Cyrus is on that list!!!
- Foster the People - My mom is now singing 'Pumped Up Kicks.' Dad: They look normal.
- What's a Kreayshawn?
- Jersey Shore VMA Picks - Dad: They're gross! Bro: They're millionaires. Dad: NO!
- My mom just got all excited to see the Foo Fighters. Dad: Never heard of them!
- Dad: Who are all of these geeks interviewing people? Bro: They're called hipsters.
- LMFAO: No. Just no. (Although I do appreciate that they brought a robot. I may steal him.
- Britney - Dad: She's not going to sing. Me & Bro: She never sings!
- Jared Leto - is he a British skeleton now?
SHOW:
Full disclosure before we begin - you guys, I have to tell you something - I am SO over Lady Gaga. I was a HUGE fan of the first album, but now? So done. So over it. I'm already over her opening the show and it hasn't even started. Let's just get this over with.
- Bruno Mars is pissed right now that Gaga is stealing his look. What is this monologue? Is she doing Trapped in the Closet? Oh God, remember when R. Kelly did that? THAT was VMA GOLD. THIS? This is an embarrassment. Mom: I would be asking for my money back. Dad: She's weird
- We're all enjoying Ochocinco's tweets instead of listening to Kevin Hart.
- Jonah Hill doesn't look right all skinny. He and Seth Rogen need to eat some ice cream.
- So we're all still going along with Bruno Mars being straight?
- Big Sean? Who?
- Kanye. I can't. Snack time!
- Kanye and Jay-Z - Bro to Dad: This is the #1 album in the country right now. Dad: No! People are sick. They're not even singing!
- Dad just got psyched for Miley - I'm more excited for Shaun White. I have his Stride gum - it's really good. Best Rock Video is also the only category in which my mother knows all of the nominees. She was pulling for Cage the Elephant.
- 9:28 PM and Dad is fast asleep. Too much excitement!
- Wow, this is pretty boring. I'm with Dad.
- I definitely like Chord Overstreet better with the darker hair. Fish lips!
- I'm pretty sure if I ever saw Kanye West somewhere I would not be able to stop myself from clocking him. What an ass.
- I love me some Paul Rudd.
- My brother and I have come to the realization that we actually miss having a host. Sudeikis for all!
- Dad is awake again, just in time to declare, "Half of these people look like hoodlums on here!"
- I want to see Adele's birth certificate.
- Dad can't even handle these Plan-B and Vagisil commercials. "WHAT? This is sick!"
- Kim Kardashian presenting at the VMA's is like that time when Miley Cyrus presented at the Oscars.
- I had Justin Bieber's red pants in 1985, years before he was even born. So which one of us is the lesbian? (I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with 'Keebler.')
- My brother just booed Joe Jonas! Love it. But it's solely because he treated Taylor Swift poorly, not because of the no-talent ass-clownness. Dad: (re: Joe's tattered jeans) What happened to his clothes?
- OF COURSE Kanye is standing up for Chris Brown. It's like the asshole club. Dad: What the hell is this? Does he sing? (For once, Dad is right - he's just dancing. Like an asshole. Everything he does is like an asshole.)
- Please let Chris Brown fall off the wires and get his face beat in, please let Chris Brown fall off the wires and get his face beat in, please let Chris Brown fall off the wires and get his face beat in....
- What in the world is Jessie J. doing to No Scrubs? And my ears??
- Mommy, what's a Wiz Khalifa?
- I'm sure Britney is thrilled that Lady Gaga is presenting her with her big Video Vanguard award while dressed like Adrian Zmed.
- GOD, Lady Gaga - GIVE IT UP. This isn't all about you!!! ARGH!
- Britney seems less medicated tonight. GO AWAY, GAGA!!! Let Britney have her moment. Wait, I take that back about Britney seeming less medicated.
- Alert the media - Beyonce is wearing pants!! She's wearing pants!
- Is Katy Perry wearing a cheese hat? This needs to stop, people. Bring it back to the music. Thank God Beyonce and Adele are there to remind these fools that you can dress like a human and just sing your face off.
- How many Tyler the Creators are there? Who is he??? "To all the kids watching, (bleeeeeeep)!" Always wise to make sure your advice gets heard by ensuring the entire sentence will get censored.
- Hey, I know this song! Young the Giant!
- Cloris Leachman and the Jersey Shore Girls seems oddly appropriate. I also love how batshit crazy Cloris is. Please let her announce, "Gladiator!"
- Gaga is taking Trapped in the Closet craziness to a whole new level. Get her in Chapters 23-30, STAT.
- You could not pay me enough money to watch 'Teen Mom.'
- I will never believe the claim that Katy Perry was influenced by Amy Winehouse.
- Yay, Bruno Mars!
- I don't understand Katy Perry's blockhead thing. What is that? Is she supposed to be one of the Fisher-Price people?
- Tyler the Creator is up for video of the year? I've never heard of him! I AM OLD.
- I think it's pretty safe to declare right now that this year's show was...not great. At all. In fact, it was pretty boring. I don't think Lil' Wayne's closing number is going to change my mind. In fact, I don't think I'm even going to watch that performance. It's my little reward for sitting through all of this.
At least we'll have the Emmy's in a few weeks. See you then!
see, rather then watching that, I have watched toy story 2, much more enjoyable.
Posted by: Todd Suhr | August 28, 2011 at 09:45 PM
MUCH better choice. (As long as it's not the 3rd one. I don't approve of the messages in that one.)
Posted by: Pam | August 28, 2011 at 10:39 PM