Sockgirlie's Blog

2007 Emmy Awards: The Liveblog

Welcome, kiddies! Time again for the biggest night in TV and I'm here to get through it all with you. This will be updated every 10 minutes or so, so send me your comments if you want to participate. Right now, it's time for the show to start - let's do this:

8:00 - Stewie and Brian Griffin open the show - not too bad, probably because I have a deep secret love for Stewie Griffin, but there was absolutely NO need to cut to a shot of T.R. Knight when making an Isaiah Washington joke. UN-comfortable! Still, not a bad little opening, although I would have loved it if the dirty old man from Family Guy had made an appearance. I love him dearly.

8:03 - Seacrest IN! I'm reserving judgment on the host choice for now, but I AM judging that hideous skinny patent leather tie. You own a clothing line of pretty nice t-shirts, dude. Come on now. Not a great opening for la Seacrest, but I'm glad he went there with the Teri Hatcher thing.

8:08 - My third Piven-induced "Ugh!" of the night - this is going to be a long night.

8:09 - Hel-lo Mohinder and Peter Petrelli! Damn, they look good. Call me, Milo!

8:12 - Supporting Actor, Comedy Series - GO N.P.H.! Will a chant of "Doo-gie! Doo-gie!" work? Apparently not, F*CKING Piven. I hate his ass.

8:15 - Supporting Actor, Drama Series - GO Michael Emerson! Ben rules my world on Lost. And...Terry O'Quinn. I'll take that one, too. Locke is pretty awesome as well. He's my dad's hero. Cute speech, and I'm loving the pink shirt and sparkly tie - somehow he is making that WORK.

8:23 - Supporting Actress, Comedy Series - Wow, I love Julia Louis Dreyfus's dress. Oh wait, was I supposed to be paying attention to something else? Ah yes, Jaime Pressly. I'll take that win - I don't watch the show anymore, but she was the best part about it. (I would have also been quite happy with Jenna Fischer or Vanessa Williams, who rocks Ugly Betty like no one's business.) Oh, this music person is starting up way too early.

8:26 - The first Mini-Series or Movie category, aka the first category I don't care about. Kudos to Katherine Heigl for sassing the announcer for mispronouncing her name, though. That woman will be cleaning out her desk in the morning.

8:29 - A man is TEARING UP, Music Person. Have you no heart? Give poor Lowell 15 more seconds.

Commercial Break Side Note: Frito couldn't join me tonight on account of a corn maze kicking his ass today, but hopefully he will contribute via satellite at some point. He'd be cursing Piven right along with me.

8:34 - What the hell is Ellen DeGeneres wearing around her neck? I'm going to have to consult one of the Fug Girls on this one.

8:37 - ENOUGH WITH THE PIVEN!!! For F*CK'S sake.

8:38 - Supporting Actress in a Drama - Wow, I still don't care again yet. I just think we're going to be seeing a lot of folks from The Sopranos tonight. Ooh, Heigl with the upset. I hope she mentions My Father The Hero.

8:42 - Outstanding Writing for a Comedy or Variety Show Nominees! This is seriously my FAVORITE part of the show every year. I think The Colbert Report takes the nominee segment with the slap-fest. Yay, Conan! Although I would have been happy with any of the shows, I am thinking the Horny Manatee put Conan over the top this year.

8:50 - Xtina! What a nice surprise. Tony Bennett is so doddering, I'm a little uncomfortable.

8:59 - FRITO: Why is everyone sobbing like a 4th grade bitch tonight?
PAM: Because Piven keeps showing up.
FRITO: And Love Hewitt.

9:04 - WHAT is Queen Latifah looking at?

9:06 - FRITO: Cicely Tyson sounds like Barbara Walters. (She totally does.)

9:09 - Someone in the music department seriously does NOT want to listen to Robert Duvall.

9:10 - That announcer can NOT get anyone's name right. Sorry, Hayden. Neil Patrick Harris rules. Speaking of which, has anyone seen the trailer for Harold and Kumar 2? I am counting down the days.

9:21 - Hey, Steve Carell - now I'm actually paying attention again. Thank you, sir. (If you have On Demand on your cable, don't miss the 3 minute "What I Did During My Summer Vacation" Office clip.) Nice, The Daily Show. Once again, I would have been happy with most of those.

9:25 - WTF, music people??!! Even Dick Clark gives people more time, and he rules with a serious iron fist. He cut off Sinatra, people - he will cut a bitch. But even Clark would give these people more time, shit.

9:32 - Boooooooooooooored. But blessedly Piven-free!

9:36 - Mary Louise Parker has been looking like she wants to be somewhere else all night long. I do love her dress, though. (FRITO: That's because it's red.)

9:39 - The Jersey Boys = bathroom break!

9:50 - FRITO: I thought Ryan Secrest was hosting - where is he???
PAM: Crying over his patent leather tie.

9:51 - Mirren dissing the music guy - AWESOME. Thank you, Helen! I love that he feared her.

9:52 - Lewis Black - he knows my sock monkey! Also, he is pretty right about all of this. Preach on, Lewis.

9:59 - Coming up, Kanye West? WHY??!!! If he is with Piven, so help me....

10:05 - Wow, Tom from MySpace is even more lame than I thought.

10:09 - Outstanding Performance in a Variety, Comedy or Music Program - Letterman, Colbert, Stewart...and it's Tony Bennet AGAIN. What the hell? Is he dying and we haven't been told? Why is he winning everything tonight? Who even watched that thing? Oh, and he's back to his seat instead of going backstage. And the doddering just goes on, people.

10:18 - Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series - The Office - nice!

10:20 - FINALLY, the rest of the good awards are coming up. Do you think they magically nominated Lauren Graham and Kristen Bell during the commercials? Yeah, me neither. Damn.

10:26 - Oh, good Lord - Kanye West. WHY IS HE THERE????!!! He has nothing to do with TV! Just enjoy the Rainn Wilson, Pam - just enjoy the Rainn Wilson. Oh no, he's rapping with his indoor sunglasses on and...HATE!!!! Save me, Rainn!

10:30 - The Amazing Race wins again - yay!

10:36 - Ah, bless you, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

10:39 - Lead Actor, Comedy Series - please no Shalhoub again. I'm sure he's good and all, but enough is enough. Ah, Gervais. And Carell, who should have gotten it.

10:41 - Hi, Hugh Laurie.

10:42 - Lead Actress, Drama series - my money is on Edie Falco. Ooh, Sally Field, who is looking gorgeous tonight. Love the dress. I also kind of love Sally Field. Remember Punchline?

10:52 - Lead Actress, Comedy Series - I knew America Ferrera would take this one, and it's well deserved. Also? So good in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, that one. What? It's a good movie!

10:54 - Lead Actor, Drama - Go Hugh Laurie, even though I know Gandolfini will probably take it. Wow, every year with the James Spader. I've never seen the show, but I do love The Spader. Great speech, too. If it had to be someone other than my Hugh, I'm glad it was you.

11:02 - Outstanding Comedy Series - Wow, 30 Rock. Good on you, Tina Fey. (Dear people who nominate for this category: have you seen How I Met Your Mother? The Robin Sparkles episode alone should have put it in the running.)

11:08 - Outstanding Drama Series - now this one has to be The Sopranos, although I'm pulling for Heroes and House, of course. C'mon Heroes. Bah, The Sopranos. Next year, my Mohinder. Next year.

Wow, that was...pretty damn boring. Why do I get excited about watching this? Thank you Steve Carell, Lewis Black, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart for adding some entertainment to my night. And thank you Milo Ventomiglia and Sendhil Ramamurthy for the eye candy. See you next year!

2007 MTV Movie Awards

Good evening all! Welcome to the my liveblogging of the 2007 MTV Movie Awards. I'll be updating every ten minutes or so, so keep checking back!

Now before we do this thing, I need to make an announcement up front so I won't be complaining about it all night long. I know many people don't agree with me on this, but I just need to say it: I do not like Sarah Silverman. I don't find her to be funny in the least, so tonight is going to be long and trying in terms of that. With that being said, hopefully I won't have to dwell on it any more tonight.

So let's get to it, shall we?

8:02 PM - Instead of watching the monologue, let me scare y'all with this one. You want to hear something horrifying? After seeing the extended trailer for the upcoming Mandy Moore/John Krasinski movie License to Wed and realizing that Robin Williams has a much bigger role than I previously thought, I later floated this idea to my brother: "Imagine if they made a movie where the two leads were Robin Williams and Jack Black?" He shuddered along with me immediately. I think that could be one of the worst possible things that you could make me do: watch that movie. Even worse? Having Sarah Silverman as the leading lady! OH MY GOD. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight now that the thought of that has been put in my brain. Help me! Get it out! Get it out!!!

8:09 - I'll let The Fug Girls deal with this in detail, but I just need to know what the hell Jessica Alba is wearing. Is that the 100th Red Balloon?

8:11 - Best Villain - AH, so THAT'S why Jack Nicholson is there. I was wondering why he was slumming. Wow, he just suddenly became a senior citizen. What the hell? Why is he a doddering old man??

8:13 - HELLLLOOOOO, Rodrigo Santoro. Rowr!

8:16 - Is this Retirees From Florida Night? First, Jack and now Bruce Willis in that Hawaiian shirt looking like he's hanging with Ernest Hemingway? What is going on here???

8:22 - Yay, Justin Long!

8:25 - Hellllooooooo, Sacha Baron Cohen.

8:26 - Dane Cook - KILL ME NOW. Oh my God, add him to that movie above. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE HORROR? Forget The Exorcist, film that shit - people wouldn't sleep for weeks!

8:32 - Have we started the "How Long Until Andy Dick Shows Up?" watch yet? I say 9:00.

8:33 - The freaking Orbit girl? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO DO TO ME TONIGHT??

8:34 - Jay-Z, enjoying his retirement with Rihanna, who apparently thought she was invited to a redux of Madonna's (awesome) Human Nature video tonight.

8:43 - Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen together make everything sunshine and rainbows. That also may have made the show for me. I was even able to stomach the sight of Dane Cook two seconds later. Sunshine and rainbows!!

8:58 - My God, ENOUGH with the Dane Cook already!

9:00 - And now the Orbit girl is back? Bring back Ferrell and Cohen! Please!!!

9:05 - Helllooooo, John Krasinski. Please lean over and smack Robin Williams for me, please. Thanks, babe.

9:08 - Welcome back, Sacha. Speaking of which, has everyone watched the additional scenes on the Borat DVD? If not, you must.

9:13 - Wait, where's Andy Dick?

9:14 - Shut it, Silverman - the Boratitis thing was funny.

9:15 - Hi, I'm Cameron Diaz's crotch. Wow, my owner is pretty annoying, huh? Are you enjoying her thinking she's being cute and funny? No? Then here, just look at me. I'M RIGHT HERE.

9:22 - Does Mike Myers reallize we've kind of been over him for a while now? No one really goes to the Shrek movies for Shrek - everyone knows it's all about The Gingerbread Man, Pinocchio and Puss In Boots. Shrek is actually the character I care least about. Hmmm. And I used to like Mike Myers, back in the Wayne's World days. Where did it all go so wrong? Austin Powers II, I believe. By the time Cat in the Hat hit, it was all over. That just beat it into the ground. The creepy, creepy Cat in the Hat ground.

9:30 - See, Bruce Willis? THIS is how you're supposed to dress. Much better.

9:33 - I may also have nightmares about Amy Winehouse's creeptastic stick legs tonight. Yikes!! Crack is wack, Amy - remember?

9:39 - Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet? This is ridiculous. Why am I watching this? I feel as old as Jack Nicholson.

9:40 - Hellloooo, Josh Duhamel. I do enjoy him so. Have you ever seen him on talk shows? He's completely charming and adorable. Damn that Fergie.

9:48 - Best Performance Nominee, Beyonce? IN A MOVIE??

9:49 - Hold up, we have Depp. I don't think this needs to be said, but HELLLOOOO Detective Hansen! I will do my best to ignore the fact that you are wearing a vest and jacket (which is all well and good) with a flannel shirt tied around your waist. (?)

9:55 - John Travolta just seems so woefully out of place.

9:56 - Best movie - Pirates II? What?! Over Borat and Blades of Glory? Especially with MTV viewers voting? Did they SEE the second Pirates? Because it kind of...wasn't good. Wait, why am I getting worked up about this? This show is ridiculous and makes me feel old. Old, I tell you!! And where was Andy Dick?

But hey, at least there was some tasty eye candy. Mmm.... So...same time next year then?

Live Blogging & Listening To Me!

Hey All!

Stop by tonight when I'll be Live Blogging the MTV Movie Awards. Updates will be about every ten minutes, so you can leave comments as it goes and we can discuss.

Also, I surprised my old friend DJ Bunnyboy (aka BLOG OF PRATT) with a call in to his live show on NowLive.com. You can listen to a rebroadcast over on his page here. (It's the June 3rd show - I show up about 8 minutes in.) It was so nice to chat with him again - we met at JournalCon way back in the summer of 2004 and he's quite the pop culture trivia guru. I may have to get my own show now, because I had a blast.

Anyway, so that's what's on tap - hope to talk to y'all tonight!

Oscars 2007: The Live Blog Experience

7:45 - Aww yeah, Oscar night, baby. I was representing all day in my "Hollywood" tank top that I bought in L.A., but right now I'm lazy and have settled into my jammies. I don't have any Hollywood-themed ones, but I've got sock monkey ones and I don't know ANYTHING that is better than that. Okay, my pajama bottoms that have "DEGRAW" written across the ass with a heart-shaped 'G' on the front of them run a close second but I'm not really here to talk about my pajama collection - tonight is Oscar night, one of my favorite nights of the year. I hope you've all followed my lead and taken tomorrow off from work in hopes of the country finally recognizing 'National Day After the Oscars.' I don't even know how many years I've been taking it off, but it's been since mid-college, so I'm guessing around 1996. I think I can't go to sleep right away after the show because I've gotten all hyped up for getting Best Documentary Short Subject right in my Oscar pool. That is exciting, y'all.

Anyhoo - this year I am fully prepared. My delicious and nutritious menu is all set:

Ah, the Peanut Butter Cup cookie from Dunkin' Donuts. So, so delicious. (Pragmatica - you really need to petition California to get some Dunkin' Donuts up in your hizzy, because you are missing out!) And what can possibly go better with such a delicious cookie than:

The current Love of My Life, White Hot Chocolate. "OOOOOHHHH my loooooove...."

I am a WHORE for Papa John's ever since Frito introduced me to it last year.

My other lifeblood.

Now that is what I'm talking about.

So yes, the menu is set and the countdown is on. As I mentioned in my previous entry, I'm going to be liveblogging the show this year, so starting at 8:30, watch for updates every 10 minutes or so. If you'd like to add your two cents, you can grab me on AIM under sockgirlie. I'll be on there discussing with Frito because he's working until 9. Boo, work! And, as I mentioned before, the stakes are QUITE high in our Oscar pool this year. Lucy, Frito and I are competing, and the winner gets to choose a song for each of the losers to sing at karaoke. To make it even more interesting, the singers will not know which song has been chosen until they get up to sing, and there will be video clips taken which will be posted here. Y-I-K-E-S. Wish me luck!

I'm taking a break right now in honor of my pre-show boycotting, so I'll be back at 8:30! (I'm going to watch the first half of The Amazing Race where I will be joining my brother in being the only people rooting for Rob and "Ambah" to win.)

The Big Show!

8:28 - I love The Ellen, but I'm not sure how she'll do as host. I'm a little concerned, actually. We'll see.

8:34 - Nominees Opening: Kinda boring, but damn, Ryan Gosling is cute. Although it is nice to see all of the nominees, especially Frito's namesake, Oscar's own Susan Lucci.

8:38 - Opening Monologue: Still bored. C'mon Ellen, don't make me miss Billy Crystal's song. PLEASE.

8:41 - Dude, Peter O'Toole is CREEPY. The nightmares I'm going to have tonight. I am shaking my fist at you, O'Toole!!!

8:43 - Joining the creepfest, Jack Nicholson's bald head.

8:44 - Choir - is this over yet? Not working, Ellen. Step it up!

8:45 - If Nicole Kidman didn't have that growth at the top of her dress, it would be divine.

8:48 - Damn, Maggie Gyllenhaal looks good post-baby. That family has got some genes.

8:50 - Don LaFontaine and Gina Tuttle? What? Who? Why are we meeting the announcers? If it's not Don Pardo, I don't care.

8:53 - Will Ferrell - YES! Oh shit, Jack Black...NO. You're ruining it! Yay, John C. Reilly! You know what, Jack Black? Will Ferrell is so f*cking funny that he overrides you and your annoying ass. Have Will Ferrell host! THAT is how comedy is done.

9:00 - Animated Short - come on, The Little Matchgirl!! Damn you Danish Poet!!! Eh, no one else in the pool picked it, so I'm safe. But really, this is my clutch category. What will I do now??

9:04 - Live Action Short - Oh man, I want to see West Bank Story just from that clip. And I've never even seen West Side Story! With this speech, I want to see it even more. Israelis and Muslims fighting between a falafel stand? I'm there.

Oscar Pool Update: All tied up at one each.

9:13 - Sound Effects Choir - Surprisingly entertaining. Oh, and I see Beyonce enjoyed it as well.

9:18 - FRITO: Mr. Tumnus!!! PAM: I enjoy Mr. Tumnus. He looks like one of my ex-boyfriends. Sadly, he looks more like him in the Mr. Tumnus makeup. [sigh]

9:22 - Best Supporting Actor: We all have different picks for this in the pool, so this is a big one. Go, Norbit! (Although I fear Arkin may get it.) Dammit! Lucy is in the lead now. Buckwheat not getting it? Come on, now. Although I LOVED Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine, so I'm good with this.

9:24 - FRITO: she's 10 and has her monkey with her....isn't she a bit old to have a monkey by her side....errr....umm....nevermind PAM: HEY!

9:26 - Oh, these damn tumblers. Where is Rob Lowe dancing with Snow White when you need it?

9:31 - Oh, f*cking Randy Newman. I don't know why I have such disdain for the man, but I do. This song is ve...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

9:35 - Second nominated song from Melissa Etheridge - these songs were nominated and the brilliant Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) wasn't? Where is the justice???

9:36 - Why is Jerry Seinfeld at The Oscars?

9:37 - Why does Al Gore look like a ventriloquist dummy? FRITO: Oh yes, oh yes, we both reached for the gun....

9:47 - How long is this 'Screenwriters Portrayed on Film' montage? I'm grateful for all the Joseph Fiennes, but come on.

Oscar Pool Update: Lucy and Pam: 3, Frito: 2

9:56 - Commercials - I would TOTALLY date Wes Anderson. Call me, Wes!

10:02 - Costume design demonstrations - why do I feel like I'm on a school field trip at a bad museum? Make it stop! The worst is the Eddie Murphy one.

10:04 - The winner for costume design just called the Oscar a doll. A DOLL. Maybe she'd like to borrow my Bratz CD.

10:05 - Humanitarian Award, aka break time!! Where are those gobstoppers?

10:08 - I WANT Sherry Lansing's dress. Then I want somewhere to wear it. And a date to wear it with.

10:12 - Is there a sunrise happening on Gwyneth's dress?

10:15 - The speech-cutting music this year sounds so sad! The Sorrow of the Winners in E Minor.

10:20 - Mmmm, Robert Downey Jr. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

10:23 - Why do they keep showing Beyonce?

10:24 - Catherine Deneuve and Ken Watanabe present, and I need sub-titles. Ooh, Sasha Baron Cohen! I still want to hump him all night long. He FINE.

10:34 - George Clooney and Clive Owen should have a Cool-Off. They both rock in my book.

10:36 - Yay, Jennifer Hudson! I would have grabbed Clooney and made out with him when he handed me my award - it's the cherry on top!

10:41 - I really have zero interest in seeing Babel

Oscar Pool Update: Frito and Pam: 5, Lucy: 4 It's a BARN BURNER!!!

10:47 - Well played, Mr. Seinfeld. Still no idea what you're doing here, but carry on.

10:50 - I'm pretty sure that Al Gore is the only person who is able to make a political statement at The Oscars and not look foolish.

10:54 - These eternally long montages are killing me. Bring Will Ferrell back out!

10:56 - Celine Dion performing a new song? What? Why?! This is The Oscars, save that shit for the Grammys. Someone send Three 6 Mafia out to drag her off with a cane.

10:58 - Clint Eastwood - FRITO: "I like peas."

11:01 - I'm a little obsessed with that ugly old woman who is in the box for the composer who got the honorary Oscar. Austin Powers would be trying to pull her hair off if he saw her.

11:07 - Ay yi yi, the bottom of Penelope Cruz's dress! Hideous!

11:16 - These damn tumblers.

Oscar Pool Update: Frito and Lucy: 7, Pam: 6

11:22 - Dreamgirls songs - Hudson needs to reign in those boobs. Still, this is awesome.

11:38 - I think I just officially fell asleep. This is so boring.

11:45 - Dead montage. Snack time, Part II!

11:52 - Even though we all know Mirren is going to win Best Actress, I really want Kate Winslet to win one of these days. And Helen Mirren should put on a bra.

11:56 - Oh, ENOUGH with the tumblers already.

11:58 - Wait, how have we been celebrating the nominees all night? I forgot about that. I think the show did, too.

12:02 - Aww, Ryan Gosling. I want you to win, even though I know Forest 'Crying Game' Whitaker will. Half Nelson was so...uplifting. But really, you rock. And you're nice to look at. Whitaker wins, and Frito cries. Why is he such a f*cking weirdo now?

12:08 - Yay, Marty! It's about time. That was sweet having Coppola, Lucas and Spielberg give it to him.

12:13 - Best Picture - This is going to decide the winner of the pool as we all have different picks. I can't believe I've only seen one of the nominees. In my defense, The Departed has been out every time I go to the video store. Ooh, The Departed, MY pick.

All in all, the most boring Oscars telecast in years. Ellen was not the best host - she was better than Whoopi, but she was also hardly ever on. Bring back Steve Martin! Hire Will Ferrell! And for the love of God, NO MORE TUMBLERS!!!!!

Final Oscar Pool Score: Pam: 10, Frito: 10, Lucy: 10. Is there a sudden death round??

Tomorrow Night: Liveblogging the Oscars

Tune in tomorrow night as I will be liveblogging the Oscar ceremony, my favorite awards show of the year! I'll be updating every 10 minutes or so, so come on over and "watch" with me.

This year should be even more interesting as the stakes have been raised in my Oscar prediction pool. Lucy, Frito and I are competing and the winner gets to choose a song for each of the losers to sing at karaoke. Even better? The losers won't know what song it is until they get up to sing. Oh, and it will be caught on video and posted here. Best Animated Short Feature, don't fail me now!!

P.S. I'll be on AIM during the show if you want to send me your thoughts. I'm sockgirlie on there.

Crazy wigs are encouraged.

Golden Globes 2007

PARTY OF THE YEAR, PEOPLE. Can you handle it? Are you READY?? Seriously, are your panties in a bunch? Because I don't think you can handle it. Since last year's date Gavin couldn't make it this year, I've got Frito and David with me providing help with the recap. I can't do the Party of the Year alone, lest I start drinking heavily. So let's get to this, shall we? (I think I'll get tired of listing my name before most comments, so I'll just pretty much credit Frito and David to theirs. No time for macros, I've got a party of the year to attend!!!)

8:00 - Wow, they're using an actual song for the intro this year instead of the ridiculous ones from years past that incorporate the names of the stars in them. "One night only, one night only...." Ooh, and it ends on Beyonce.
FRITO: I wonder how much her father had to pay to get that in there.

8:01 - Clooney with the first award. Lord, they are wasting no time with this shit. Sheesh. Best supporting actress, all in the room rooting for Miss Jennifer Hudson...and the winner is...Jennifer!
PAM, DAVID, FRITO: Woo!
FRITO: Beyonce: "Try to cry, try to cry."
PAM: Beyonce: "Think of my mother dying."
FRITO: Beyonce "Think of her beating me for the Oscar. Cry, Beyonce, cry!"

8:05 - Justin Timberlake presents best song:
PAM: Shave, Justin.
FRITO: F*ckin' Seal.

8:06 - Apparently, no one knew that Prince wasn't there, which was more than AWKWARD. Nice cover by Timberlake, though.

8:07 - Commercials - Have you seen the Chips Ahoy commercial when they're in the car and keep being picked out and eaten? ...Yeah.
FRITO: The cookies are wearing seatbelts!
PAM: It's a law.
FRITO: But it's not protecting them from people taking them and eating them.
DAVID: Cookies are delicious!
FRITO: That is genocide, that's what it is.

8:10 PM - When did Adrien Grenier turn into Benicio Del Toro?
FRITO: He's cute! Best performance by eyebrows, Mr. Adrien Grenier.

8:13 PM - PAM: The Piv and his mom - are they going to make out, or what?
FRITO: Is Jeremy Irons bleeding? Someone help him!
PAM: Is he dead?
FRITO: Has he slept in the last 8 years?
DAVID: He's a corpse.
FRITO: Is that cranberry sauce? He's drunk on cranberry sauce.

8:15 PM - How is Evangeline Lilly up for best actress? I want Kyra Sedgwick to win for her involvement with the movie Singles alone.
FRITO: Her neck is like an anatomy lesson, look at it! I can't look away.

8:24 - Naomi Watts.
FRITO: Oh! What is she wearing? Is that thing bedazzled?
DAVID: She definitely had a fight with something.
FRITO: Do her pink earrings realize that she's wearing a blue dress with no pink in it?

8:25 - Why is Donald Trump there?

8:27 - Will Ferrell is so frigging funny.

8:28 - Diddy?
FRITO: Jessica Biel is smokin'.
PAM: Sharon Stone is a hot mess.
FRITO: Wait, that's right - this is about movies and TV, why is Diddy there? Did Beyonce's father do that, too? And why does Emily Blunt look like Zooey Deschanel?

8:31 - Cast of Heroes....ggggggrrrrroooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwllllllllllllllllllll! Mohiiiiiinder. Ooh, Best Actor in a TV Drama.
DAVID: Dexter!
PAM: Hugh Laurie!
FRITO: Dexter!
PAM: Kiefer's going to win, but GO Hugh Laurie!!
DAVID & FRITO: GO DEXTER!
PAM: Hugh Laurie!
...And the winner is...Hugh Laurie!
PAM: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FRITO: I love that he wins for best drama actor and has given the funniest speech.

LOVE the Hugh Laurie. Well played, your Royal Hughness.

8:41 - Shot of Tom Hanks in the audience causes David to involuntarily start spitting. For some unknown reason, David hates Tom Hanks. Isn't that kind of...Un-American? I'm pretty sure there's something in the Patriot Act about "Thou shalt love Tom Hanks." Seriously, how can you hate Tom Hanks?

8:44 - What a waste of Steve Carell.

8:45 - JOAQUIN!!!! Best Supporting Actress - Streep, obviously.
FRITO: If Beyonce wins this, I'm walking home right now. You know that pained her to mention Beyonce.... Meryl Streep is the new Jessica Tandy.

8:50 - FRITO: Reese Witherspoon looks smokin' hot. I love that the Golden Globes are brought to you by Target. You don't see that on the Oscars, do you?

8:51 - Jamie Foxx - PAM & FRITO: UGH!
FRITO: "Hey! Uh!"
PAM: UGH.
DAVID: I still hate Tom Hanks.

8:55 - Ben Stiller.
PAM: Please don't waste him.
FRITO: He's got to do something funny...and, no.
PAM & FRITO: Borat!!!

8:56 - Sasha Baron Cohen - I would hump him ALL NIGHT LONG.

8:57 - FRITO: Ugh, it's the Hayek. Let's see how many words she stumbles over. (Frito HATES Salma Hayek. Me? I'm too mesmerized by her stunning rack to have an opinion either way. She was good on Ugly Betty.)

9:00 - THERE'S PRINCE!! He's there! What a lying sack of shit!
FRITO: Eddie Murphy, yay!
DAVID: Beyonce is pissed right now.
FRITO: Jamie Foxx is all, "I wasn't even nominated. I WAS RAY CHARLES, PEOPLE!"
PAM: HEH, HEH, HEH (<--- Does the Axl Foley laugh reference make me just old or does it make me really old?)

9:04 - There's Prince again! And he's blocking out the camera with his hand! WHY IS HE EVEN THERE THEN??!!
FRITO: He's such a bitch.

9:08 - Sienna Miller and Terrence Howard
PAM: It is HARD out here for a pimp.
FRITO: What is she wearing? "I'm so trendy!"
PAM: I love Andre Braugher!
FRITO: Yay, Bill Nighy! Yay just because he was in Love Actually.
DAVID: Is he Bill Nye the Science Guy?

9:11 - Best Actress, Mini-Series or TV Movie
FRITO: Helen Mirren, for everything she's ever done.
PAM: Is that her ass showing? Rewind that!
DAVID: Panti-liner?

9:15 - Commercials, Heroes promo.
PAM: [gasp!]
FRITO: We on for next week?
PAM: Mohinder. I am making Mohinder a verb, as in "I'd like to Mohinder THAT."

9:17 - Cameron Diaz
FRITO & DAVID: YEOW!
PAM: Is that her revenge dress? That's disgusting.
FRITO: Justin Timberlake brought sexy back and took it back with him.

9:19 - Ooh, Jake Gyllenhaal. rrrrowr!
FRITO: I'd like to Hilary Swank him.

9:21 - FRITO: TIM ALLEN??!!

9:23 - Alec Baldwin - yay! Why is Diddy sitting with Jack Nicholson??

9:30 - I hate that Piv.

9:35 - SHARON STONE. I want to beat her with a stick.
FRITO: She is so high.
DAVID: I bet she's not wearing panties.
FRITO: Ugh, Apocalypto. According to Mel, the Jews won't let that win.

FRITO: Clint Eastwood will take about a hundred hours to get up to the stage.
DAVID: Maybe they have one of those chairs that he can ride up the railing in.
FRITO: He looks like Orville Redenbacher in that outfit.

9:40 - Upcoming surprise guest bets:
FRITO: Diana Ross
PAM: Shirley Maclaine - I bet it has to do with Warren Beatty.
FRITO: I'm going with Madonna, Miss Breathless Mahoney herself.
DAVID: Jack Skellington...no, Julia Roberts.
FRITO: Ned Beatty! Kathy Bates-y?
DAVID: Master Beatty!

9:44 - Jeremy Irons
PAM: Is he still bleeding?
FRITO: I think he's clotting now.

9:45 - Hugh Grant!
FRITO: Ugh. (Frito hates Hugh Grant, too.) Prince has money glued to him.
It is agreed by all that Drew Barrymore looks quite pretty tonight.
PAM: I still don't understand The Fountain. Hugh Grant should be in my pants right now.
FRITO: Look at his hair!
PAM: Yeah, that's his bedhead after I'm done with him.
French guy accepting award: FRITO: "Thank you, Ricky Bobby."
HA!

9:48 - John Stamos: HOT.
DAVID: I've liked him ever since Full House.
Yays all around for America Ferrera. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, represent!!
FRITO: Aww, Salma Hayek is weeping! She's realizing that she'll never fully grasp the English language.

9:58 - Tom Hanks
DAVID:

Oooh, good, the Cecil B. DeMille award. Always the most exciting part of the evening. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... Seriously, we are reduced to talking about the spit hanging between the kiss at the end of Dick Tracy.
FRITO: Let's make this part more interesting:

PAM: Clint Eastwood: "I like peas."
FRITO: Clint: "They don't have food like this in the home!"

What is with all the doddering old men this year? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

10:17 - PAM: Oh, there's Seal again.
FRITO: F*ckin' Seal.

10:19 - Commercials. FRITO: IT'S ORVILLE REDENBACHER!
DAVID: It's Bill Nighy!
FRITO: Wait, it's CGI Orville Redenbacher. I'm so creeped out.

10:24 - Martin Scorsese - He looks like the Six Flags guy.
FRITO: Martin Scorsese, you just won a Golden Globe Award, what are you going to do now? "I'm going to Six Flags!" Insert Silly Dance here!

10:28 - Best Actor, Comedy. I would still hump Sasha Baron Cohen all night. He is SO hot. And hilarious. Dump Isla, MARRY ME.

Do not run from me, Sasha! You cannot deny our love!!!

...And the winner is...Sasha Baron Cohen!
PAM & FRITO: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:36 - Really? Dane Cook? Ugh.
FRITO: I like Dane Cook, but he has no business being there.

10:37 - Dreamgirls wins Best Musical/Comedy
PAM: As long as Borat won for best actor, I am okay with this.
FRITO: Please don't let Jamie Foxx talk.

10:43 - Best TV Drama - Go Heroes! Nope, Grey's Anatomy. [collective moan] I must say, I'm sure it's a good show, and people have told me this, but I'm also pretty sure that it is NOT better than Heroes. Wow, do you think the woman accepting is excited? Criminy.

10:45 - Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
DAVID: Ew!
FRITO: What? Gross!
PAM: Yeeeaagghh!

10:52 - Hey, where is the dead people montage?
FRITO: Oh, I like that.
PAM: WHAT?!

10:53 - Forest Whitaker. Oh, no, I know what's coming....
FRITO: ARGH! I HATE him! People, watch Species and you will take away any award he will ever have. Is he having a stroke on stage right now?
DAVID: Oh my God, rewind that and look at Sharon Stone clapping. She is so high.
FRITO: Look at him, he's having a stroke. He should be in a movie with Russell Crowe and Hugh Grant and then I will kill myself.
PAM: But didn't you see (motions to nether regions)?
FRITO: Crotch?
PAM: The Crying Game.
FRITO: No.
PAM: He was good in that!

10:56 - FRITO: Where is the special guest? Is it Arnold Schwarzenegger?
PAM: LAME.

11:01 - Arnold announcing the nominees. "Babbble, Babby...."
PAM, DAVID & FRITO: HA!
FRITO: Bobble.
DAVID: Babel.
FRITO: Borat.
DAVID: Baba.
FRITO: Bobbybob.

FRITO: They should just give Angelina Jolie an award for being hot.
PAM: Word.

11:04 - Arnold: "Next year, we'll be back."
ALL: UGH.

I've gotta say, as far as awards shows go, this one wasn't really painful at all. Well, except for that Cecil B. DeMille snoozefest. But other than that, it moved along quickly with no unnecessary filler junk, so that's always nice. And they didn't go on and on with the 'Party of the Year' nonsense. Plus, I was happy with a lot of the winners (What up, Sasha, Jennifer and Hugh?!) and I got to spend the night with 2 of my favorite boys. All in all, it was pretty niiiiice as far as awards shows go. Catch ya' at the Grammys!